The Logic of Longings

Dressed in the robe of a Vulcan master, Tuvok arranged the dishes for the second course. Captain Janeway, the only guest to dinner in his quarters, sat directly across the table. With her uniform jacket draped over the back of the chair, she comfortably sipped her soup.

Observing the Vulcan's care, Janeway commented, "The soup is amazing. Its taste isn't particularly strong but it feels as if my taste buds have had a massage."

"Indeed, that is the function of Mulak. Vulcan cooks are exacting in their recipes. The soup will cleanse your palate of Mr. Neelix's recent abuses, so that you may appreciate the precise blend of the meal."

Janeway leaned back and smiled slightly, observing her sober and methodical friend. "This elaborate meal is a first. We've had dinners together in the mess, shared tea in my ready room, but I can't help but wonder what your motivation is, beyond sharing fine Vulcan culinary arts."

"Your assumption is correct. I do have something of importance to discuss. However, in deciding how to broach this discussion, I chose to bring it up after the presentation of this meal. Please, Captain, enjoy your dinner. The seasonings and vegetables are specifically chosen for their calming and meditative qualities."

The captain teased, "I need assistance in being calmed and meditative before hearing your concerns? I can't wait."

One of his eyebrows twitched but Tuvok nodded serenely. "Please Captain, your plate is at its optimal temperature."

Janeway looked down at the square brown dish filled with steaming vegetables. It had a sage-like aroma. She tried a bite.

They ate dinner in silence, Janeway's playful mood soon subsided as she considered the care Tuvok put into the dinner. Quieted by patient curiosity and the sedate environment, her mind turned to various informalities and inefficiencies aboard Voyager, wondering which had become a burr in the Vulcan's logic.

Finally, Tuvok moved their plates to one side and poured the tea. Engaging in a human custom, he lifted his cup in a toast. He spoke with deep gravity, "To a friendship long forged in deep mutual respect."

Captain Janeway was caught off-guard. The delicate subject was of a more personal nature than anything she imagined. No longer did she feel like the captain of a starship enjoying a dinner prepared for her by one of her subordinates. She saw her friend and security officer in a new light. Everything she knew about Tuvok, that which familiarity often takes for granted, suddenly became refocused. She met his serious gaze.

She was the guest of Tuvok, Vulcan master, husband, father, respected teacher, tactical expert, and a man a lifetime older than she. Sitting in his quarters amidst the subtle evidence of family and previous careers, Kathryn inhaled and prepared herself for what he was to say. Her higher rank gave her the feeling of at least being a peer. On second thought, was it Tuvok's gentle respect for her that would never allow her to feel any less than a peer?

Breaking the intense stare, she tasted her tea and was surprised by the subtle sweetness. Looking into the cup she saw the rose water color of the tea and its subtle opaque appearance. The sweetness was not added. No doubt it was a naturally occurring herb of some kind.

Seeing her curiosity and her discomfort, Tuvok said, "Red yuli blossoms. The yuli tree is indigenous to arid regions of Vulcan."

"I have seen them before. I had no idea they had such a wonderful flavor. Now do tell me, my friend, what is troubling you?"

"Captain, the subject I wish discuss is of a highly personal nature, and I do not wish to proceed without your permission."

Kathryn felt more comfortable. "Tuvok, I am honored that you trust me with such a personal matter."

"No, Captain, the matter I wish to discuss is not of my private affairs but yours."

Kathryn swallowed hard. "I see."

"Captain, in our first year in the delta quadrant you called me your conscience. You told me that you needed me as an anchor, incase your own ethics and judgments were tried or impaired. I deeply appreciate your trust in me in professional matters, but now I am specifically asking that you consider extending that trust. I am asking permission to address your private affairs."

The emotionless captain's mask in place, Janeway spoke with a bite. "What private affairs? I have none, except for brief escapes to the holodeck."

"Precisely."

"Excuse me?"

"Captain, the majority of the crew is human. Many like you, find the Fair Haven holo-program captivating. It is as an earth culture running day and night and we are far from anything like it. But, I fear that many crew members, including yourself, are losing perspective."

"Oh?"

"Yes, by treating holograms as though they were sentient beings and developing emotional attachments to them."

"You are referring to my relationship with Michael O'Sullivan," She gave Tuvok a dismissive wave of the hand, "The Doctor's advised me to engage in more recreational time with Michael."

"Captain, as a hologram, there must be limitations to the usefulness of the doctor's advice. I am not convinced his authority should extend into the realm of personal relationships. It is illogical to form romantic attachments with a computer subroutine. In particular, one that is the product of Ensign Paris's imagination. Why would the doctor recommend such a course of action?"

Kathryn looked down into her cup.

"Vulcans are also uncomfortable discussing their need for intimacy and sexuality."

Her head shot up and locked on Tuvok's eyes. She wanted to stare him down, but instead she found herself trapped by his understanding gaze and the truth of his words.

"The doctor was concerned about the stress and loneliness I have endured in the Delta Quadrant. With everyone on this ship being my subordinate, the doctor reasoned that Michael O'Sulivan being outside the command structure could provide…um…things that are lacking in my situation."

"The doctor's logic is flawed."

"Enlighten me."

"First, it is an error to say Michael O'Sullivan is outside Voyager's command structure, he is a product of this ship. Voyager, crew and primary and secondary ship systems, are all subordinate to you. Fair Haven may not feel like part of Voyager to those who go there for escape, but it and every personality created within it, are completely at you mercy and under your command.

"Second, I am concerned that if I remain silent, our unique situation in the Delta quadrant and the use of the holodeck to cope, will result in a complicated form of holo-addiction among the crew.

"In telling a humanoid to engage in relations with a hologram, the doctor has failed to realize that is not equivalent to telling one to simulate a geographic location to relieve stress. One is not afraid of losing a simulated geographic location. However, if you, or other members of the crew, are with a hologram that meets intimate needs, time will be lost in the decision to deactivate it. Not withstanding the complicated emotions of guilt, confusion, or remorse at destroying that which is most satisfying to you. The first stage in addiction is developing a dependency and that is precisely what the doctor has recommended. His recommendations are clearly illogical."

"Your objections are noted." Janeway responded firmly. "However, Fair Haven has taken a couple serious blows. We have salvaged it, but we have not put it before the needs of Voyager. I am aware it is subordinate to me. I gave the order to terminate it, knowing that it may not be recovered. Perhaps, you underestimate my - and other humans - abilities to practice emotional detachment."

"Captain, is it your professional opinion that the current usage of the holodeck to satisfy the intimate needs of this crew is not problematic?"

"Yes, that is my opinion. Voyager's crew is coping remarkably well under difficult circumstances."

"Then as your tactical officer, I must inform you that I would feel more comfortable if you chose to develop a romantic attachment to one of the primary systems: - the shields perhaps."

Fierce anger flashed in the captain's eyes, but Tuvok was safely shielded behind logic and emotional control. He continued, "May I present further information for your consideration."

"By all means," she snapped and put a hand to her temple.

"There are large segments of the crew who do not enjoy the holodeck in this way. You have pointed out in times past that you are not just captain of a ship, but leader of a community. I feel it is my duty to warn you when as a leader of a community, that portions of your community are viewing your conduct with disdain."

"Excuse me?"

"Forgive me, Captain, but you are a woman of strong opinions, and sometimes it takes strong arguments in order to for you to see things differently. For you, Michael O'Sullivan is a companion, but for many of us, he is a product of the holoprogram. In your opinion, would a crewman using the mess hall replicator to replicate a device designed to bring erogenous stimulation be conducting herself appropriately?"

Janeway's eyes narrowed to slits. She sucked in one of her cheeks, and suddenly looked like she was going to be nauseous. She looked at the floor and then up at Tuvok again. "Is this how you think my conduct on the holodeck is being perceived?"

"Yes, by some. Definitely. Replicators produce matter and holodecks produce interactive photons. Both are subsystems of Voyager, and neither one, however enjoyable, can consistently produce sentient life or viable mates. Torres' open contempt for your refusal to shut down Fair Haven was indicative of how some question your judgment. Most of the others would not express their views to you as vocally."

Janeway couldn't recall feeling this embarrassed since Tuvok dressed her down in front of three Starfleet admirals. At that time she thought he was wrong, but she learned to value his diligence both in the past, and in the Delta quadrant. It keeps Voyager at its peak tactically.

But she felt more than embarrassment; she felt shame, a horrible gnawing shame. If Tuvok was right, then this was more than a difference of professional opinion. He was suggesting that her conduct, her sexual conduct, was unbecoming for a leader of their community, and she was exposing herself to impertinent remarks and scorn. Where were those temporal anomalies or spatial rifts when you needed one?

Tuvok spoke carefully, "My purpose here is not to embarrass you, Captain."

Taking a deep breath, she accepted that no random spatial anomalies were coming to spare her this moment. Kathryn sighed and quietly answered, "I know."

"And, Captain I am sure I can speak for more than myself when I say that regardless of our opinions about this present matter, you are held in the highest regard. Your dignity, perseverance, and sacrifice in leading and guiding this crew has strengthened us all."

"Thank you, Tuvok." Managing to regain control and wanting understanding for her conduct she added, "You have family in the Alpha Quadrant and I want to see you with them again. I had dreams of a family when we began this mission at DS9. I was seriously considering putting my Starfleet career on hold so that I could pursue other desires. Those decisions further compounded my loneliness when we got stuck here. I accepted that those longings might not be fulfilled, but on the holodeck, I thought I found a way to have fragments of that dream. I did not consider all the implications you have presented."

"Captain, I understand that this conduct arose from needs that are not being met. I am not questioning the Doctor's prognosis, only his treatment. There is another alternative that I would like to suggest."

"An alternative?"

"Yes, since Voyager's crew and computer sub-routines are subject to you, the more logical solution is to consider taking a mate from among the crew."

Janeway laughed cynically and asked, "Anyone in mind?" before she took another drink of her tea.

"Commander Chakotay," Tuvok began when he was sprayed by a mouthful of the captain's tea.

"You are joking?" she asked incredulously.

Tuvok blinked and stoically wiped the abundant fluid from his brow and robe, he flatly replied, "I do not joke."

"Of course not, Tuvok. I'm sorry." Kathryn was perplexed. "But, you lost me somewhere."

"For Vulcans the need to take a mate is a serious matter. The unsuccessful resolution of pon farr can result in death. You do not experience a crisis moment like pon farr, but you are saying that daily you experience the unsuccessful resolution of the same needs. The logical conclusion would be to take a mate. There are no rules directing the personal affairs of Starfleet officers and the tradition of some captains remaining single is not practical in this situation. The doctor believes your current isolation is having a negative impact on your psychological health."

Janeway sat across from him, stunned, and said, "I see." But she didn't look like she fully comprehended the conversation. With a furrowed brow she considered the logic. "And Commander Chakotay?... No wait. Don't go there. Tuvok! You are the last person I would expect this from. Surely you would expect me to be more self-controlled. Are you well? Are you sure this is logical?"

"Perfectly, Captain, on both counts. I cannot expect from another more control than I was able to practice myself. I remained single until my first pon farr cycle, but the need to take a mate could not be reconciled with my life choices. I had to make changes to accommodate T'Pel. If a Vulcan were captain of this ship and needed to take a mate, no apologies would be made for breaking protocol to satisfy the demands of pon farr. And curiously, even you would agree that Starfleet Command would understand. Why should we be less understanding of your own needs?"

Pushing away from the table, she said, "Thank you Tuvok. The meal, the logic, the food for thought… It is so much more than I expected tonight. I need time to process everything."

"Of course, Captain. Let me know if you wish a further discourse on the subject, and thank you for hearing my concerns."

Kathryn leaned over and touching his hand, she said, "No, thank you, my friend. Thank you."

Kathryn left Tuvok's quarters and after three steps down the corridor, she discovered she was angry. Of all the green blooded Vulcan things he could say! She increased her pace, soon she was marching down the corridors. What had he said? "Calmed and meditative." Clearly his damned Vulcan trance had worn off.

Never had Kathryn imagined that her monk-like sexual conduct would end in such embarrassment. She valued Tuvok's insight but damn him for not saying something sooner. And the doctor… well, no thanks to the doctor. That's for sure. Someone like Harry and Tom can carry on in just about anyway they want on the holodeck, but, come on Kathryn, what were you thinking? They are Harry and Tom, after all. Surely, a crew expects more from their captain. Why didn't someone stop me going into this? What about what Chakotay said about molecular composition? What good are friends if they fail to stop you from making an ass out of yourself?

At that moment Kathryn Janeway rammed straight into the chest of a tall man leaving the holodeck. It was Chakotay. He had just finished playing a game of hover ball with B'Elanna.

"Whoa!" he said looking at a furious Kathryn Janeway. Holding her by the shoulders to keep her from bolting, he asked, "Are we under attack?"

"No. I am," Kathryn spat and pushed against his hold.

"Later, B'Elanna," Chakotay said as he matched Kathryn's stride. "Want to talk about it?"

Only an irritated sideways glance acknowledged his remark.

"Had a run in with Q? An argument with your favourite drone?"

She shot daggers at him with her eyes.

A little less confident, he added, "Me?"

"You were on the holodeck. You log most of your time playing hover-ball, or skiing or boxing, don't you?"

"That's right."

"You are not a fan of Fair Haven, are you?"

"I had a look around, like I do whenever the crew gets involved in a new common program. I'll go to the pub when I'm invited but… no I have never really been a big fan of holo-fiction. Why? Kathryn, what has this got to do with anything?"

"When you said that you never let a little thing like molecular composition stop you, what were you talking about?"

"Oh that!" Chakotay laughed, "I once knew an 8472 who was a pretty good kisser."

Kathryn was in no mood for jokes and quickened her pace.

"Kathryn, please?" Chakotay said. He grabbed her arm and held her still so he could see her face. She looked at the floor. "My God, Kathryn, what is it?" Where any other woman would be near tears, Kathryn developed a facial twitch in her cheek, but Chakotay understood her expression.

"I rely on your judgment, Chakotay and you encouraged me…you…. you…." Shaking her head and meeting his gaze, she conceded, "It is not your fault. I have made an ass out of myself and I want to blame anyone but me."

"I find that hard to believe. Why don't we go get something to drink? I have already had my work out, and this march of yours is going to wear out the carpet." He looked both ways at the occasional crew member who were trying to ignore them, "Not to mention scare the junior officers."

Still tense and irritated, Kathryn sighed, "My quarters."

Chakotay looked down at his sweaty hover-ball clothes. "My quarters…and on my rations?"

Kathryn noticed for the first time that her first officer was sweaty and smelly. She wrinkled her nose. "Please, do stop by your quarters, but save your rations." After her experience with Tuvok, Kathryn wanted her own turf. "Join me in my quarters when you are clean."

They walked together without saying another word. Kathryn tried her best to control her anger and keep a calm pace.

"Kathryn?" he asked in his disarming voice, just before he left her to go change.

"What?" she clipped.

"Exhale now and then, it is good for the pulmonary system."

She responded with the smallest of laughs, and walked alone the rest of the way.

Kathryn entered her own living space but did not stop walking. She paced and fidgeted. She stared at the replicator. Wine? No, she had had enough 'calmed and meditative' substances tonight. "Coffee, black."

When Chakotay arrived dressed in clean casual clothes he frowned at Kathryn, stressed out and drinking coffee late at night, yet again. He ordered himself a tea and lounged in the overstuffed chair across from her. "Can you start from the beginning?"

"I had dinner with Tuvok," Kathryn said flatly from behind her coffee mug.

"Oh?" Chakotay replied, trying to stifle his amusement.

"He wanted to talk to me about my conduct on the holodeck."

"Oh," Chakotay said more gravely.

"He is concerned that my relationship with Michael is not only illogical, but exposing me to impertinent remarks among the crew."

Chakotay leaned back and took a deep breath. "I see." His interests were divided, on the one hand, Chakotay wanted to defend Kathryn against anyone who would hurt her, but on the other hand, he knew she just needed a listening ear. It was his turn to speak in a clipped tone. "And what did he suggest some Vulcan meditations? Or does he just expect you to be captain 24 hours a day for the next fifty years?"

Kathryn waved her hand, "It wasn't like that, Chakotay. Tuvok was very respectful, even understanding. I'm not angry with him. I'm angry with me for not foreseeing this. And I'm frustrated with this impossible situation." She shifted herself on the sofa, propping one elbow over its arm and tucking one foot under her leg, she leaned towards him slightly. "Tell me, Chakotay, how do you do it?"

"Pardon?" It was an extremely personal question, one he never expected her to ask.

Gentle and imploring, she continued, "It's been almost seven years since we've been in the Delta Quadrant. Your last known lover was Seska."

His countenance darkened at the mention of her name.

"Sorry." She paused a moment, "I know you are a private man, Chakotay. But right now, I'm asking because nobody is making impudent remarks about you."

His heart went out to her. Chakotay felt for her embarrassment, and was always honest with her. He spoke quietly, "Lucid dreaming."

"What?" she heard him but was caught off guard by the answer. "Oh, I remember. Your people have a method whereby they can control their dreams."

He leaned forward in his chair and looked her straight in the eye, "They also have a saying that translates literally 'keep the seed in the ground,' but it means 'keep the dream in the heart.' The idea behind it is that a dream, a longing, or desire, is like a seed. It is best left unspoken, concealed in the heart, until it can grow up like a young seedling and be realized in its own way. I guess that is why holodeck fantasies don't hold the same appeal to me."

Kathryn was very thoughtful. "Just what does this kind of dreaming do?"

"It isn't quite accurate to say that I control the dream. The dreaming comes from a deeper level, but lucid dreaming helps me to interact with it. In a way, it gives me clarity. There I discover what I truly want." Chakotay knew that he made a dangerous confession. The conversation brought her too close to inferring what he really wanted. "And," he emphasized, "It helps me to cope when a desire cannot be realized."

Kathryn's eyes were wide but her face remained blank. God, she appreciated him. She knew the risk he took with his own heart every time he gave her such honesty as her friend.

Remembering the conversation wasn't about him, she turned it away from what he revealed. "That is just it; I do not know what I want."

"That's because you do the opposite, instead of facing and exploring your dreams and desires, you suppress them, and look for distractions from them. It's how you choose to cope." He spoke matter-of-factly, but almost lovingly.

"Would lucid dreaming help me?"

Chakotay laughed, "Kathryn, you'd have to learn to sleep at night! But…maybe a vision quest might sort things out."

Kathryn looked down into her empty cup. Maybe he was right. She looked up into his understanding smile and contemplated his handsome features. Then again, maybe it was Tuvok who was correct.

At the morning staff meeting, Kathryn was tired. She spent most of the night contemplating her friends' advice. Taking a deep drink from her mug, she eyed her first officer. He was prompt, alert, and as professional as usual. Bet he slept like a baby. Lucid dreaming, huh?

"….Captain," Harry Kim repeated.

"Of course, Ensign. Recalibrate the sensors as soon as B'Elanna is finished with the warp core diagnostics."

"Thank you, Captain."

"All right then. Anything else?" She surveyed the room. "Very well. You're dismissed." Captain Janeway stood by her seat with coffee in one hand and the other on her hip. She waited until everyone was leaving and added, "Oh, Tuvok and Paris, a moment please."

Both men stopped as the rest filed out. Chakotay cast a curious glance at Janeway but continued to the bridge.

Janeway stated in her blunt captain's manner, "Tuvok, come to my ready room after you complete your security reports."

"Aye, Captain." Tuvok nodded and left the room.

"Ensign Paris. I assume you are available now."

"Yes, ma'am"

She gestured to the door and they headed to the ready room. When they arrived, Captain Janeway sat at her desk.

"Have a seat, Tom."

After he complied, she began, "I have asked you here for a personal request."

"Name it."

"Michael O'Sullivan. I regret I have locked myself out of his subroutines."

Tom Paris gave her a boyish grin and asked, "Is there something I can adjust for you?"

Kathryn winced at the offer but maintained her professional demeanor. "As a matter of fact, there is. Re-align him to his original design, wipe all memory sub-routines regarding 'Katie O'Clare' and then lock his matrix so that he cannot be adjusted again."

Tom was surprised. "Captain, are you sure?"

"On second thought, no. Delete him. That is, if you don't mind. Maybe he can go on a trip and you could replace him with a brother perhaps."

"You are serious?"

"Yes."

"Okay, Captain. A replacement it is. Fair Haven doesn't have a 'Pattie,' after all. Michael's older brother with a wee bit more color and a thicker Irish brogue."

"Thank you, Tom. And one more thing: modify the other characters memories to eliminate some details about Katie O'Clare. And please make the modifications to Fair Haven as soon as your duties permit."

"Yes, ma'am."

"You're dismissed."

Kathryn remained busy at her desk until the door chimed. "Come."

Tuvok entered and Kathryn rose from her desk. Getting a second coffee from the replicator she invited Tuvok to the elevated sitting area.

Seated across from him, she broached the subject. "Tuvok, I'm curious. Chakotay?"

"I assume you are asking me to explain the logic of my suggestion."

"Yes. Please."

"To our knowledge, he is your only human peer in the Delta Quadrant. When the array pulled us here you were both captains of your own ships. Each of you has distinguished yourselves in your own pursuits. He is a male, of the appropriate age to be your mate."

"Yes but humans need…"

"Sex appeal? In the case of yourself and Commander Chakotay that's self evident."

Janeway coughed, causing Tuvok to lean back momentarily as if expecting a second spray of fluid.

"Self evident, Tuvok?" Janeway was incredulous.

"The attraction between yourself and Chakotay has been apparent since the Maquis came on board. Your exemplary self-control has also been evident."

"I see."

"However, it's not the attraction that ultimately makes your pairing the logical choice. It's complementary, but it's your mutual restraint that causes me to suggest him."

"Oh?"

"Despite your apparent attraction and friendship, both of you have repeatedly displayed your willingness to sacrifice yourselves and each other for the sake of Voyager. While you do not always agree in practice, your objectives are identical. In considering the option of a mate for you, there is no other more compelling than Commander Chakotay."

Kathryn rubbed her brow with the back of her hand. "And you considered others aboard Voyager, Lieutenant?"

"Yes, but only briefly. It would be least disruptive to the command structure for you to be involved with one of the higher ranking officers. Given your close working relationship and friendship with the commander, further development of that relationship would be the most logical."

"And you think further development of this relationship would be wise?" Kathryn was skeptical.

"I do not believe it is unwise. Captain, I am not saying this decision is essential. I am saying that if you need companionship and intimacy then Chakotay is the logical and wise choice. It is up to you to decide."

Kathryn was irritated by how impossible the suggestion seemed to her. "Tuvok, even if I agreed. How would I go about changing the nature of my relationship with Chakotay now?"

He raised an eyebrow. "The logical course would be to do the opposite of what has previously stopped your relationship from progressing."

"You make it sound so simple."

"Indeed."

Kathryn was both appreciative and annoyed. "Very well. That is all, Lieutenant. Thank you."

Tuvok left and Kathryn stared out the window and quietly finished her coffee. She wondered how she ever got to such a state that she needed romantic advice from a Vulcan.

A little while after Tuvok left the ready room, Chakotay checked in on Kathryn.

"Come," Kathryn replied to the ready room chime.

"Captain." Chakotay spoke seriously, "Permission to speak freely." To her silence he added, "Are you okay?"

Kathryn swiveled in her chair, from viewing the stars, to face him. "Just reconsidering some choices I've made. You are right. I really don't know what I want."

"Given any further thought to going on a vision quest?"

"Yes, Commander, I have. May I borrow your akoonah , tonight?

"I'll bring it by after our shift."

Kathryn stared off into space. She heard the sound of the doors close behind Chakotay. Glancing at her empty coffee mug, she thought, as though speaking to a personal friend, 'No more of you today. I have some experiments I need to do tonight.'

At 2200 hours, Chakotay arrived at Kathryn's quarters with his akoonah . She thanked him for it and quickly said goodbye. She contemplated telling him what she intended to use it for; some instruction on the technique might be helpful, but decided against exposing her plan. She liked Tuvok's idea, but her scientific mind demanded a few tests, before making a decision that could radically change her life.

Finishing her cup of chamomile tea, Kathryn picked up the akoonah and lay down on her bed. Doing her best to repeat the incantation she once heard Chakotay say, Kathryn drifted off to sleep.

In her slumber Kathryn conjured up scenario after scenario. All were various occasions where she pushed Chakotay away. Only this time as she dreamed, she let the desire she felt for her first officer surface. Kathryn awoke enamored by the possibility of a romantic relationship with Chakotay.

Groggily, she rubbed her eyes and realized that she overslept, but quickly remembered the need to prepare Voyager for shore leave had preempted her regular duties. Kathryn got up, ordered her coffee, and immediately began pouring over the diplomatic customs of the Davasiyans.

The door to her quarters chimed. Kathryn smiled. Chakotay was as prompt as ever. Briefly she considered her attire but playfully chose to say, "Come."

Chakotay entered and saw the captain standing behind her desk with a coffee in hand. His breath caught in his throat as he beheld Kathryn in her satin nightgown. Fixing his eyes on the floor, he coughed into his hand.

Kathryn looked down at her gown and apologized, "Oh, I'm sorry, Commander; I was so engrossed in the customs of the Davasiyans that I lost track of time. Please excuse me." Pointing back at her desk, she added, "But you should look at that."

He called after her, "I've found some interesting information of my own that I'd like to share."

"Can't wait," Kathryn replied from her bedroom as she got her uniform on.

Chakotay was seated and reading from his PADD. Invigorated, she walked over to his chair. Placing a hand on his arm, she looked at the PADD from over his shoulder. "What have you got?" she asked in a husky voice.

Chakotay was glad that from her vantage point, Kathryn couldn't see the effect she was having on him. Using every bit of will power to focus on the PADD in front of him, he said, "This… this." Pushing the image of Kathryn in her nightgown out of his mind, he continued, "It's… there is a planet in the star system. Chaitava, it's unique. The Davasiyans have colonized the whole system except for this planet. It's the seventh and last planet, the size of a small moon and covered in oceans of a chemical similar to antifreeze. Crystalline structures jut out of the oceans. Supposed to be one of the most beautiful sights in the galaxy."

"Really?" Kathryn sat down across from Chakotay and listened.

"Yes, and the best part of it is that we are catching it at the perfect time. Chaitava just came out of its turbulent season, and it isn't crowded with sightseers because the Davasiyan economic and education cycles keep it from being busy this time of year."

"You said it couldn't be colonized. Can we go there?"

"Yes. We can take the Flyer. It doesn't have an oxygen atmosphere, but the locals often take shuttles. There are even specially designed hovercrafts that ride the surface for tourists to use, but they aren't running yet. Because Chaitava is such a small planet its sunrise and sunset takes place every seven hours. People travel light years to see the crystalline structures refract the sun over the ocean. It's supposed to be pretty spectacular."

"I bet none of these visitors have traveled as far as we have. We better not miss it."

"Agreed. At 1600 hours then. You and I can take the Flyer. That should put us in orbit about an hour before the sunset and give us plenty of time to get back to Voyager before it arrives at the fifth planet."

Kathryn agreed, "Yes, Tuvok told me our arrival time at the Chancellor's home world will be 2100 hours, but it will be quite late on the planet. The Chancellor has requested a reception to welcome us for the following morning. We agreed on 0700 hrs." Kathryn frowned and asked, "Did Tuvok give you this information about Chaitava?"

Chakotay looked puzzled. "Uh…yes he did. Why do you ask?"

"Maybe I'll explain later. We need to go over these protocols."

At 1600 hrs they met in the shuttle bay, both were dressed in civilian clothes. Chakotay smiled at Kathryn as she arrived, the green dress clung to her figure almost as nicely as the peach nightgown.

As Chakotay piloted the Flyer, they chatted easily. When Kathryn saw Chaitava on the view screen, she gasped. At a distance it shone like a brilliant lavender gem. "That is it?"

"That's Chaitava."

"Amazing."

Kathryn remained silent for the remainder of the journey in awe of both the natural beauty before her and how quickly her dreams had come true. She was alone with Chakotay under peaceful circumstances.

Chakotay brought the Flyer into orbit.

Kathryn adjusted some controls and put the planet's sub-harmonic frequencies on audio so they could hear the ocean and atmosphere beneath them. They listened to the primal rhythm of the waves and the jazzy counterpoint that reverberated off the amethyst looking structures.

Adjusting their orbit with the thrusters, according to the Davasiyan instructions to tourists, Chakotay synchronized the Flyer with the ocean. Changing the Flyer's internal gravitational controls, they felt the ebb and flow of the waves

Wanting to be closer to him, Kathryn stood behind him, and put her hands on both of his shoulders. "Thank you, for bringing me here. It is incredible." Almost unconsciously, Kathryn massaged his shoulders. He leaned back against Kathryn and relaxed completely. Both watched the surreal surroundings and rested in this long awaited intimate moment.

Chakotay sighed and remembered time was passing while Kathryn stood behind him. "Please," he said as he rose from the pilot's seat, "You sit down."

Kathryn smiled as they shifted positions. "I'm surprised Paris didn't try to work a bench seat into the Flyer's design."

"I'm glad he didn't. I'd be kicking myself now. I was the one that finally vetoed Tom's bells and whistles.

She laughed, and then moaned as his strong hands began to work her shoulders.

Chakotay inhaled a deep unsteady breath. "Déjà vu."

"I've been rethinking some old decisions."

"Sshh. Show me, don't tell me."

Kathryn rose from the seat to kiss him.

Chakotay returned the kiss gently and then turned her to face the view screen. "But first, watch that."

Chaitava's sun was at its horizon. Rays of light broke through the crystalline structures and splayed out in multi-coloured streams, filling the atmosphere. The royal blue ocean became more turbulent and crested lavender. Even the natural music reached a crescendo, as Chakotay held Kathryn tightly and peppered her neck with kisses.

Turning to face Chakotay, Kathryn kissed him passionately. Colours from the view screen engulfed the lovers' embrace, but Kathryn was lost in him before the sun disappeared behind the dark waters.

Janeway awoke in her quarters. She could still feel the sway of the Flyer, like one who had been in a boat for many hours. It was the most peaceful way to wake up. Sleepily she tried to remember how they got back to Voyager.

Then she smiled. What was she thinking? Chaitava must have been her lucid dream. It was too perfect. Feeling for the akoonah , she was startled awake when her hands found a leg. Sitting bolt upright, Kathryn stared at Chakotay asleep in her bed.

"Chakotay!" she spoke in an urgent whisper.

He awoke and saw her surprise. He grinned at where he found himself. "Don't worry I think you're still dreaming."

She pressed her hands to her eyes and then stared at Chakotay's bare chest. "If I'm dreaming then how do you know that?"

He laughed. "Somehow last night I was drawn into your lucid dream. I'm not here physically," patting her bed, "but somehow we shared the same dream last night. You did try lucid dreaming?"

She nodded, and was momentarily speechless at the consequences.

"You should have told me. I could have given you some pointers."

She shook her head and stared at him. "How did you get here? How did you become more than a dream?"

"I don't fully understand the science of it, Kathryn. You wanted me here. You're extremely strong-willed. You were using my akoonah in relatively close proximity to me, while I was also sleeping. I was having some mundane dream about gamma shift complaints," he smiled and raised an eyebrow, "when I walked into your quarters and found you in that adorable nightgown."

Kathryn blushed at the realization that they both shared the memory.

Chakotay added, "What I don't understand is how you were studying the Davasiyan system when I walked in?"

"Why? Is it real?"

"Only in my dreams. It's the place I dream of spending time with you. But you were there and you even changed parts of it. You brought music to Chaitava. I'd love to see what you'd to the fifth planet. I'm glad to share it with you. But remember, Kathryn, keep the dream in the heart, until you are certain it's what you want."

"Chakotay, it was so romantic!"

He shrugged, "When a guy has years of interstellar experience and a solitary dream of one lady, what do you expect?" Then he frowned, "But I couldn't figure out why you wanted to give Tuvok credit for the idea?"

"It was Tuvok who suggested I pursue a relationship with you."

Chakotay laughed.

Chakotay awoke in his quarters laughing. The dream had been so real and completely believable until Kathryn said that bit about it being Tuvok's idea.

He sat on the edge of his bed and thought about it. 'She had dinner with Tuvok… Nah, she couldn't have access to my dream world… but she has my akoonah… nah…Wow. Kathryn, that was amazing.'

Chakotay stood up and for a moment covered his face with his hands. Then he scrambled for his uniform. It sank in. Overnight his life had changed. He paced his quarters.

"Think, Chakotay, think."

Should he go to her? No she might back up. He decided to verify it first, and check out what she said about Tuvok. Bursting out of his quarters, he walked swiftly to Tuvok's.

Tuvok was ready for the day and about to leave his quarters, but when the door opened Commander Chakotay stood in front of him.

"Good morning, Commander. I was not expecting to see you until our duty shift began."

"I need to talk to you."

"It sounds important. I was on my way to the mess hall, care to join me?"

"Here."

"Very well." Tuvok backed into his quarters and allowed Chakotay access.

Chakotay paced nervously.

"Commander?"

"Did you tell the captain she should pursue a romantic relationship with me?"

Tuvok was surprised but responded calmly, "Apparently you have sufficient reason to believe I did, but I'm reluctant to answer without understanding the nature of this inquiry."

"Tuvok, I need to know!"

Tuvok raised an eyebrow.

"If I did, it's unlikely that you would hear this from anyone other than the captain, herself. So why would you need to corroborate it with me?"

"It was a dream. I was a sleep when she told me. No, I mean she was in my dream, and I was a sleep and she told me. But, she was sleeping too."

"Are you attempting to describe some sort of telepathic communication?"

"Yeah, something like that. Is it true?"

"You believe that the captain somehow communicated telepathically with you, but are afraid of acting on the information she provided. Because you are unfamiliar with telepathic communication, you have reason to wonder if you are in error. Acting on this information if it was erroneous, could have serious repercussions."

"Exactly, Tuvok." Chakotay begged, "Now please, just tell me!"

"Yes. From what you have shared, it's reasonable to conclude that the telepathic connection provided accurate information."

"Thank you." Chakotay was pacing again.

"You are quite welcome, Commander. Will that be all?"

Chakotay was lost in thought. "What?"

"Will that be all?"

"Yes, dismissed."

"Commander?"

"Yes?"

"You are in my quarters."

"Oh, right, of course. I'll be leaving now. Thank you." Chakotay walked towards the door.

"And Commander?"

"Yes?" He looked back at Tuvok.

"Try to remain calm."

Chakotay frowned. If he didn't know better, he'd swear the Vulcan was laughing at him.

Kathryn woke up invigorated. Humming while she dressed, she remembered the side of Chakotay she saw in her dream. She knew what she wanted all right, but there was work to be done, and she needed to think about what was the best way for them to proceed.

She thought about it all the way to the bridge. Commander Chakotay was already seated at command and he turned to watch her enter.

She couldn't suppress the smile.

As she sat down beside him, Chakotay said, "Good morning, Captain. Did you sleep well?"

"As a matter of fact, I did, thank you." Her answer was a little too formal.

"Glad to hear it," Chakotay said, fully prepared to dismiss the subject.

"But there is an important matter that has been brought to my attention. I will need to address it with the senior staff this morning."

"Oh? What would that be?"

"All in good time, Commander. I'll be in my ready room, please notify me as soon as you can have the senior staff assembled."

"Yes, ma'am."

As Kathryn left the bridge, Chakotay checked the different schedules to determine the best time for the meeting.

Kathryn joined her senior staff in the conference room. They discussed ship systems, energy, and food reserves. All concerns were dealt with in good order, and at the end of them, Kathryn brought up the subject on her mind.

"One more thing. It's been brought to my attention that the current use of the holodeck is questionable to some members of the crew." Kathryn gave them a moment to let her words register. "After considering their concerns, I think some of us, myself included, have gotten far too caught up in the Fair Haven program. It's important for us to be able to recognize where our prolonged isolation in the Delta Quadrant affects our judgment and behaviour. For this reason, I am thankful our crew comes from different home planets, or I fear we all could lose perspective. Before I make any decisions on how to modify the current usage I want to open the subject to you. Are there any thoughts for my consideration?"

There was silence for a moment.

B'Elanna spoke first. "I did think that the running of Fair Haven 24/7 was unbalanced. It's harder to log time on the other holodeck for a game of hoverball or other physical activities."

"Thank you, B'Elanna. Anyone else?"

Neelix said, "I thought Fair Haven was helping to foster community aboard Voyager and a good allocation of our resources. I'd be sorry to see it go."

Harry responded to Neelix. "Yeah, but the captain is not talking about getting rid of Fair Haven, but tempering our usage to consider the entire crew."

Chakotay added, "Fostering community aboard Voyager is important, but the more ways we can find to do that, that includes all of the crew, the better. I've noticed that the rotation of common programs, Sandrine's, Neelix's resort, and Fair Haven, have all brought out different people. Neelix, perhaps if its community you are concerned about, you could run a contest for new holo-program ideas. That way we can see about getting more people involved and build our own community instead of being dependant on a holographic community."

"Excellent idea, Commander. Anyone else?"

"Wait a minute!" It was the doctor's turn. "And what's wrong with a holographic community?"

"Nothing if you are a hologram," Chakotay replied.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

B'Elanna answered, "Doctor, it's not a derogatory remark. It's just that its human nature to become dependant on community, and we need to think about what community Voyager is going to become dependant on a holographic one or our own."

"Look," said Tom. "I programmed these things for a little fun, that's all. I never intended to make or replace Voyager's community. We never had that problem with Sandrine's because the characters weren't that popular."

"You can say that again," B'Elanna muttered.

Tom addressed B'Elanna and the Doctor, "Yeah, well I guess I didn't anticipate how attractive a few friendly holographic characters would be around here."

"Alright. Anyone else?" The captain interjected. She looked at Tuvok and Seven but they chose to remain silent. "Then it's settled. Fair Haven will no longer run 24/7. It can be accessed on demand like the other community programs. Neelix, I'll leave it to you to put together a contest for a new community program. Please keep me updated on how that's going. That'll be all."

The senior staff left the room. Chakotay waited.

Kathryn rose from her seat and walked clockwise around the table, putting the table between herself and Chakotay.

Chakotay rose from his chair and teased, "Now, Michael's not going to like that."

"Michael who?" Kathryn feigned ignorance.

Chakotay played along. "Michael, the Fair Haven bartender."

"You're not keeping up with the program, Chakotay. The bartender is named Pattie. Michael's gone."

Rounding the table, Chakotay made towards her and for every step he took, Kathryn stepped away.

"So, he's been replaced then?" Chakotay flirted.

"Fair Haven has a new bartender if that's what you mean."

Chakotay couldn't resist teasing her. His dimples danced. "Was he unsatisfactory in some way?"

Kathryn chose to play with Chakotay's words. "A holographic man is fine, for a holographic woman."

Chakotay closed in on her. "So Michael has been replaced?"

Kathryn's heart was pounding. She put a hand on his chest. "Please not here, Chakotay. Not yet."

He stood silently before her and held her in his deep brown eyes. She knew her wish was his command.

"Tonight," she said, "let's try it again."

"It might not work."

"It's worth a try. Please, I just want to take it slow."

Chakotay grinned. "You didn't last night."

"I mean here. There it's different."

"Alright." He chewed on his bottom lip and his eyes sparkled. "But don't forget I know what you want."

Her countenance softened. "Yes, and finally so do I."

Kathryn headed towards the exit and said, "I'll see you tonight, in a star system of our own."

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