Over Seska's Dead Body by Magical M

After hearing the Doctor's news, Chakotay viewed Seska's body and went to his quarters. Physically exhausted but unable to sit still, he changed into his sweats for a couple rounds in the ring.

"Reserve holodeck one for Commander Chakotay." He tossed his com-badge on the coffee table and left.

He entered the holodeck and started his boxing program, but after re-thinking the idea, Chakotay initiated the security lock outs and commanded, "Computer run 'Chakotay nature program alpa3.'"

The sweaty boxing gym transformed into a dense tropical forest alive with birds, amphibians, and reptiles. Chakotay set out to run a footpath heading up a hill. The path led deep into the jungle.

Unaware that he ran at full stride for well over an hour, Chakotay slowed, satisfied that his mind was only aware of the tightness of his body. Still aching from the night on the Precambrian M class planet, the moisture in the holodeck soothed him, but every muscle was overexerted and shaking.

Stopping above a stream, Chakotay grabbed an overhanging tree branch for support. He tried to concentrate on the running water, but as soon as his heartbeat slowed, Seska, the smiling Cardassian, loomed in his mind. Too tired to keep running from her, he winced in pain.

Remembering Seska, the Bajoran, he was torn between anger and grief. He loved that angry Bajoran whom he tried to reach. But she was a lie. What's more, the child he accepted in his heart was also a lie.

He thought he loved her! Seska was the enemy he embraced; a Cardassian woman who would steal his DNA and gloat over her triumph. He shuddered at the betrayal and felt defeated by his tactical failures.

Bending over and coughing, his stomach began to wretch. Chakotay could have hurled everything in him, but his last meal had been survival eggs and cucumbers planet-side 24 hours ago.

Chakotay seated himself against a tree near the water and held his head in his hands. For a brief moment, he thought he might cry but couldn't find a single tear. Not for Seska, and not for the Kazon's child. Reeling from the loss of Suder, Hogan, and Kirch; Maquis who had served under him for years. The excruciating emotional pain of slow acting Cardassian venom gnawed at his veins. It was not the kind of pain that brought tears, but torment instead. Finally catching his breath, Chakotay realized beating the hell of his body wasn't going to take it away.

Washing his face in the water, he managed to soak his shirt and his pant legs. He took off his wet shirt and used it to rinse off the sweat. Looking around, he found the holodeck exit.

"Come," answered Janeway, seated on the couch in a black shirt and grey slacks, so similar to her uniform that they might has well have been Starfleet issue.

The engineer seated herself opposite the captain and wrung her hands in her lap.

Everyone still had a slight chill in their bones from the arid planet. Or was it from Seska? .

"B'Elanna, it's not my habit to ask members of my crew to divulge personal information about another crew member." Handing her the mug, she went on, "But it's not everyday that I lose my ship to my first officer's ex-lover. Chakotay isn't responding to anyone at the moment and I'm concerned."

Janeway continued. "Chakotay will share what he likes with whom he likes, but Seska… Seska was found dead in my ready room. The whole crew has been shaken by the last few days. I would've never thought our hold on Voyager could be so precarious. We have three dead. The whole experience has left me feeling a little haunted. But by a ghost I do not understand."

"Captain," B'Elanna stammered and took a deep 'I'm in control' breath. "I'm glad that you have asked me here to talk about Seska."

"Ever since we found out she was a Cardassian, some disturbing pieces came together in my mind. I tried to talk to Chakotay, but…lets just say he wouldn't listen."

Kathryn smiled at B'Elanna's restraint. Aware that her first officer wasn't the man he used to be, she let the sentence drop without question or comment.

"B'Elanna, setting aside the puzzle of the Commander's personal feelings, do you have any idea why Seska was so obsessed with Commander Chakotay? It's like he was some kind of diabolical target for her."

"A good description, Captain. For Seska, it was about power, I mean, their whole relationship. She was a Cardassian operative that infiltrated the Starfleet Academy and then the Maquis, but the more I think about the energy she put into seducing Chakotay, it was personal from day one."

"Captain, it's like Cardassian torture techniques. They will use torture simply to break the will of an individual even when they know that the individual has no useful information. It's not about the information; it's about owning and controlling that person's will, a game of domination, a power play."

"B'Elanna, few know this but I was captured by the Cardassians on my first deep space assignment. We had covert operations break us out, but I was incarcerated long enough to witness what you are talking about."

B'Elanna looked up at her captain and continued confidently. "Then you must see the psychological warfare. Seska was a Cardassian trying to break a man's will, but we couldn't see it because of her Bajoran physiology."

"What did this 'psychological warfare' look like when you were a Maquis?" "For one, she tried her damnedest to use sex to manipulate him. She did her level best to try to control Chakotay just like she worked the Kazon Maje. But he put an end to it. Chakotay wouldn't allow her to use their personal relationship to compromise his command and that was the power she wanted."

"To what end? What power could she wield for the Cardassians as a Bajoran aboard a Maquis vessel?"

B'Elanna decided suddenly to change modes, and blurted out, "Captain, you are going to need specific examples to see what I am saying. A picture of what it was like. I know the exact day that Chakotay took Seska into his bed because she boasted to me about it the next day."

Janeway's face went blank, unsure why she was being given this information, but wanting to understand the history, she didn't stop B'Elanna.

"It was after one of our greatest successes in battle. We were mining the perimeter of a moon that they used to launch heavy raids against Maquis colonies. Near the end of our mission, three Cardassian warships came in as we were heading out. We came under heavy fire and sustained a hell of a lot of damage. Between Chakotay's creative maneuvering and Seska's 'lucky shots' we destroyed, not disabled, but destroyed all three ships."

"You are suggesting that she killed her own people to gain leverage in their personal relationship?"

"Exactly! One moment we thought we were as good as dead, and the next moment we were flying through Cardassian debris. And Seska was cheering on Chakotay for getting us through it!"

Janeway looked a little pale as she repeated, "She fired the shots that destroyed the Cardassians?"

"Yes, Captain." B'Elanna met Janeway's sober stare. "The Maquis spirits were pretty high that night on the colony. Seska rode the wave of the celebration and hung as close to Chakotay as she could all night. He left the party alone and she was gone soon after. Captain, she actually told me that she compromised the security to his quarters and entered while he was changing!"

Realizing that she had gotten carried away in describing Seska's outrageous behaviour, B'Elanna leaned back in her seat. "Anyway, as a Bajoran, her excitement at our success wasn't surprising, but when I found out she was Cardassian… I remembered that night and my blood ran cold. I'm sure it was all part of a premeditated attempt to get at Chakotay."

"And have you never talked to him about this? Found out if he sees it the same way?"

"Are you kidding? Dredge up his sex life with Seska! I wouldn't dare, at least not without a bat-leth!"

The Captain changed the course of her questioning. "You said she was trying to control him, compromise his command, in what way?"

"Captain, in Chakotay's cell there was a strict rule of non-aggressive action towards Starfleet and Federation ships. Don't get me wrong, we had our share of skirmishes when it couldn't be avoided. But, where other Maquis might raid the Federation for much needed supplies and inflict Federation casualties, no matter how low we were if any of Chakotay's people were caught engaging in a Federation raid… well he didn't pull any punches."

"As one of the highest ranking Starfleet officers to join the Maquis, I'm guessing Chakotay came well connected."

"You think that someone in Starfleet gave him supplies?" Janeway asked incredulously.

"I'm saying he had connections, and most of the time we didn't have to steal. I never saw a Federation vessel leave medical supplies or weapons, but Chakotay knew where to find," B'Elanna emphasized, "the Federation supplies waiting for him. He never explained their origin."

"But, Seska 'the Bajoran' was determined to increase the hostility of the crew towards the Federation and openly criticized him for being too Starfleet. At times we thought she was right. She knew the Maquis mindset better than any of us, and knew how to use it against him. That is until one day when she fired on a Federation runabout, and he physically threw her from the console. I think that was the end of any physical intimacy. It was all of six weeks from her initial boasting." B'Elanna drank some of her coffee. "As I re-think it all knowing that she was a Cardassian infiltrator, my guess is that her official objective was to uncover Chakotay's Starfleet support, and her personal objective was to break down Chakotay's Federation loyalties."

"Badger him about his Federation ties. Remind about his comfy job teaching at the Academy, while the Federation let his family die. He was grieving and angry, and she fueled it with luring arguments. Sex was one weapon, but manipulating anger was her forte. Seska wanted to set the targets and tried to toy with all of us to get her way."

"He was pretty tolerant. A Maquis leader trying to reach an angry wounded Bajoran. She could act real sweet when she needed to be. He mistook her for sincere, but he wasn't controlled by her. At least most of the time. Often it backfired, and the anger she was toying with blew up at her. It was really weird though, when he'd yell at her, she'd poise herself like he just complimented her on her figure." B'Elanna paused and reflected, "As I see it, Seska put her body, mind, and soul into that power struggle and lost. Imagine, Captain, after all her effort at sowing seeds of hatred towards Starfleet, the final blow she must have took when he chose to become your first officer and handed out Starfleet uniforms to the Maquis!"

"Thank you, B'Elanna. That explains a lot." Janeway leaned back against the couch, stared up into empty space and let out a long sigh. "I'm worried about the crew. Without a ship's counselor, I've relied on Chakotay's skills to help in that area. But I think he feels responsible… responsible for losing the ship, for the deaths, and I can't reach him. If we are going to come through this and recover the crew's confidence and morale, I need him. Can you help me reach him?"

"I don't know Captain, sometimes I think I'm his friend because he doesn't have to talk to me. I just whip his butt in hover ball, but I doubt if that's going to do the trick this time."

"He'll be right. If had a ship's counselor, I'd order him to get help. But I don't, so I don't see any other options. Do you?"

After the third attempt to ring Chakotay in his quarters, Janeway used a security override. Both women entered the dark room.

The commander, who was sitting in the dark, became visible. He was face down on his table, naked from the waist up, his bare arms and shoulders covered the table's surface. His com-badge and wet shirt were on the floor near where B'Elanna was standing.

Janeway and B'Elanna exchanged an uneasy glance. The captain whispered, "Maybe now is not a good time."

Walking over to the table, B'Elanna knocked on its surface as though she was playing tough. But at the same time she subtly touched his wrist to check for a pulse.

She jolted when Chakotay grabbed her wrist and jerked his head up. "I'm not dead yet, Bel. But the computer could have confirmed that so what do you want?"

"Sleep assumes rest. No, that was not restful. I'm sorry for snapping at you. I should thank you for saving me from the Hades of my own subconscious."

"We?" Chakotay looked from B'Elanna to the entrance to his quarters, and, saw Kathryn standing in the shadows. "Captain? Uh, excuse me. Please both of you sit down. I'll be a minute."

Chakotay rose from the table to go to his bedroom, and change out of the pants that were wet up to his knees.

"I rinsed off in a stream after a run through a rain forest. I was tired and got more wet than I meant to."

Chakotay came back in a pair of loose navy pants. He slipped a matching shirt over his shoulders. Fastening it with a single clip above his hip, the fabric hung loosely. He addressed the captain, "You didn't want me to go anywhere? Did you?"

"No, not at all… we were just hoping you wouldn't mind a little company." He stopped and considered her words. Damn women never say what they mean! "Well, Captain, if this is a social visit, I'm not…"

"I see," he said curtly, standing with his hands behind his back in a Starfleet 'at ease' position. Reluctant to sit down and engage in whatever she had in mind, he cocked his head, and waited politely for a better explanation. In a crisp official voice, the captain continued, "Commander, if we had a ship's counselor I would order you to see him. But since we don't and you need to talk to someone, we are volunteering. If you want to do it the Maquis way and yell and throw things, I'm sure B'Elanna can speak your language. But might I suggest trying the Starfleet way, or the old Starfleet way, before the days of ship's counselors."

Janeway pulled a bottle out of a black satchel, which had gone unnoticed until now, and set it on the table. The contents of the bottle shone a bright blue in the dim light. Kathryn Janeway wasn't one prone to substance abuse; but she was a pragmatic woman, and some conversations needed bigger ice breakers than others.

Still standing with his hands behind his back, Chakotay appraised Kathryn carefully. He shook his head and cracked a two-dimple smile. This 'by the book' Captain, a.k.a pool shark, never ceased to surprise him. She was so Starfleet, yet so much more. So she wanted him to talk… he shrugged and decided to comply.

"I hadn't thought of that." Chakotay grabbed a few glasses and joined them at the table. Flipping his chair around and straddling it, he reached over and tousled B'Elanna's hair. "You see Bel, in Starfleet there is the book and then there are the traditions."

Puzzled, Torres looked from one commanding officer to the other, conscious that she was the only one in uniform, "And Romulan Ale is… a Starfleet tradition?"

Janeway laughed. "Let me explain. In the early days of Starfleet, there was the strictest of regulations regarding alcohol, synthohol only. It was new then and most of the officer's hated it. While the lower ranks generally developed a taste for whatever 'real' substances they could find on shore leave, a number of captains and senior officers developed a taste for Romulan ale. Its contraband, I know. But it became the habit of a number of these officers to keep a case in their private possession for special occasions. These captains eventually became admirals and, from time to time discreetly gave the younger captains a departure gift for long missions. In that tradition, I received a gift of Romulan ale before departing from Deep Space Nine. I prefer synthoholic wine, so I saw no reason to open it until now."

Watching Chakotay pour the blue fluid into three glasses, B'Elanna shook her head. "Some tradition, it seems so un-Starfleet."

Rating:	T™©
Spoilers:	Takes place immediately following Basics2
Summary:	When and where did Janeway realize she loved Chakotay? The title says it.
Pairings:	Janeway/Chakotay
A/N:	Written for Dakota's Decathlon.
Credits:	A very special thanks to the friendly beta, Jadie, who has an abundant supply of commas and who has patiently showed me where to put them and to Dawn for her beta work.
Disclaimer:	Of course its Paramount's universe, I just took it out for a spin.

Chakotay swirled blue fluid in his glass. "Starfleet isn't all policies and protocol. You must know that by now." Addressing the need for the icebreaker, he added, "I'm amazed she didn't find it."

"With Suder sabotaging the ship, she mustn't have had time to sift through my personal items."

Chakotay observed her calm manner. Her ship, her quarters, her ready room, taken over by Seska! To see Kathryn Janeway so violated by the likes of Seska triggered intense self-loathing. Giving the fluid one more swirl in the cup, Chakotay looked Janeway in the eye, put it to his lips, and downed the contents.

B'Elanna, uncomfortable with the familiarity, tried for an early exit. "Um, Captain, I don't think you'll be needing me. But Chakotay, before we came here I told the Captain some things…about Seska. You know, in the beginning. I thought it would help."

Bravely B'Elanna, put a hand on Chakotay's arm leans forward and says, "But it's the captain you need to talk to."

Janeway watched the exchange, seeing the hardness in his eyes she interjected in a soft command tone, "Lieutenant, wait. You are correct in assuming that we need to talk about Seska alone. She has been a point of tension in our working relationship from day one, but before you go, I want you to tell Chakotay what you told me about Seska's objectives."

Sighing, B'Elanna slumped back into her seat and rubbed her face with both her hands. Refocusing on her senior officers, B'Elanna lifted the glass of ale in front of her. "To Seska, the best damn Cardassian operative in the Delta Quadrant!"

He drank a second glassful, clunked it on the table, stood up and turned his chair the right way around. Sitting down again, he rolled his shoulders back and stretched his legs out to a very manly position. Hooking one arm over the back of the chair and resting the other on his leg, he faced B'Elanna. "Let's hear it."

Kathryn, watched him closely and realized, on a conscious level, just how loud his body language is. 'Remarkable,' she thought, 'how long has he been speaking to me with his shoulders?'

Chakotay's position had changed again during the course of her monologue, but he didn't pour another drink. His shoulders were slouched, arms folded across his torso, but his legs still remained wide and relaxed. Raising his hand to his lips, he pressed his thumb and forefinger against them, inhaling.

Janeway observed Chakotay's manner. It was controlled but he appeared exposed on a number of counts. He was embarrassed by his conduct with Seska, but he was also seriously guarding something. Starfleet, she concluded in her mind as she interpreted all his physical messages. B'Elanna nailed it and he didn't want to admit it.

Choosing to rescue Chakotay from a compromising situation, Janeway interjected, "Thank you, B'Elanna, I'm sure that provided some food for thought. Sometimes it helps to see our problems from another person's perspective."

Hearing the unspoken 'dismissed' in the captain's tone, Torres rose from her seat, "Well then, I'm glad I could help." She left without another word.

There was silence in the room after the whoosh of the door. The truth hung between them and Chakotay was slow to make eye contact with his captain. Casually shifting in his chair, he faced her more directly. Filling both of their glasses, he handed Kathryn hers.

"So what did you think?" he asked, seizing the opportunity to shift the conversation away from a direct confession.

Janeway swallowed and replied, "I can't think of a more plausible explanation. Except that the whole theory is dependant upon you having had some pretty substantial Starfleet connections while you were a Maquis captain."

"But it also explains why Seska would prefer a Maquis mutiny to serving aboard Voyager."

Only a subtle flash in his eyes revealed his pain at discussing this with Kathryn, but he met her gaze directly. "Yes, it would do that, too."

The tension in his muscles began to come back. "What do you want to know, Kathryn?"

"Oh, I want to know everything," she said emphatically. Some of the very same people who assigned her to pursue his ship may have provided the munitions he'd need to fight her. "But this visit isn't for me. It's for you. The question is what do you want to tell me?"

"I can't talk about Starfleet, Kathryn. At least not now, I …," he was about to say "might say too much" but cut himself short realizing that that would be saying too much.

Resting her captain's curiosity, Kathryn considered her friend. "Do you want to talk about Seska?"

He snorted sarcastically, "Oh yeah, I want to talk about the Cardassian whore who gained free access to both of our ships through my bedroom door!"

"Damn right I am! Kathryn, if a half naked crew member crawled through an emergency panel into your quarters, you'd throw him into the brig not onto your bed!"

She couldn't entirely stifle the laugh at the visual image of a half naked crewman being bounced down the hallway. "Yes, you are absolutely right."

Kathryn, wanting to sooth his self-hatred, took a chance. "Chakotay, did she get what she wanted?"

"Assuming that there was… information… that you had, that she wanted, did she get it?"

His eyes began to clear from the power of the Cardassian venom, "No." The realization spread across his face. "No, she did not."

Kathryn smiled too, and postulated, "So Seska, the Cardassian operative, went to all of the trouble of blowing up Cardassians and crawling around half-naked through emergency panels to seduce you and what did she gain?"

Janeway blushed then rolled her eyes, and retorted, "I mean other than…that… What did she gain for the Cardassians…? Nothing?"

Leaning his elbows on the table, he rested his forehead on his hands and chuckled. Looking up at Kathryn again, his eyes flashed. His countenance denoted friendship and freedom. Giving her a genuine grin, he said, "Thank you."

"Sometimes all we need is another perspective… that is why I need you…" Kathryn smiled sweetly and squeezed his arm.

Chakotay rose from the table, taking the narrow glass and flask in one hand and Kathryn's hand in the other, he guided her to the sitting area. He sat in the armchair, while Kathryn paused to order something from the replicator. Offering Chakotay some of the assortment of Risan vegetarian appetizers, she sat on the sofa.

Trying a few pieces, Chakotay spoke around the bite in his mouth, "You know that I turned down a position as first officer aboard the Azimuth?"

He knew that Kathryn knew his Starfleet records better than he did, but it was an opportunity to change the subject. But, to her surprise, rather than avoiding personal issues he invited her into another.

Chewing intently on the first morsels of food he'd eaten in 24 hours, he asked, "So, did you determine why?"

His actions, his motivations, and reasons for doing things had been a puzzle to her for these couple of years, but she was unaware how casually he observed her scrutiny. Yes, it was one of his decisions that she tried to understand. Psychological profiles and intelligence files shed little light on it. Kathryn always wondered if he had Maquis connections and motivations for doing things before he resigned from Starfleet. She answered, "I have no idea."

Walking over to the replicator and ordering water, to wash down the appetizers, he asked, "Do you want me to tell you?"

"A family?" It was often hard for Kathryn to see beyond the Angry Warrior, to see the man he was before his people were slaughtered.

Chakotay sat down, took a drink of the water and began, "I was between postings and went home to Dorvan V to visit my family. A cousin, my age had gotten married and had a child while I was on a deep space assignment. I stayed with them during my visit. I thought it would be easier than staying with my father. But, I watched their happiness and for the first time, I felt lonely. Watching them opened my mind to possibilities I had never before imagined. Possibilities that I knew I would be turning my back on if I took that position and headed hard on a command path. I went on walks and vision quests to sort things out. Finally, I decided to decline the Azimuth in favor of seeking a position in San Francisco."

He eyed her carefully and explained, "I met a number of remarkable women, some fascinating and ambitious scientists, others were more domestic, but some…" He colored and shook his head. "Well, let's just say I never met the right one." "Then what happened?"

"You know the rest. My father was killed in the attack on Dorvan V, as was my cousin, and his family. I joined the Maquis."

She paused for a moment and considered the innocent lives Chakotay saw destroyed.

He looked straight at her, almost confused at her suggestion. "Like when? On New Earth?!"

"Kathryn!" he exclaimed, "The only man on the planet doesn't exactly set the only woman on the planet at ease by talking about his longing for children!"

Kathryn frowned and wondered if the ale was clouding her thinking. "I wasn't thinking about it that way, but I see your point."

Chakotay leaned back in his chair and looked at her with a furrowed brow and a lop-sided grin. Seeing that she was slightly inebriated, he decided to play with her a little. "Unless, you think my bringing it up…"

Watching her entire body stiffen, he decided to leave it there. "Relax, I was only teasing."

Kathryn chose to dismiss his last remark and concentrated on everything she had just learned. Assimilating the new information and considering the present situation, Janeway began, "So, when Seska told you she had impregnated herself with your DNA, it…" She hesitated, a little slow from the ale, and searched for the right words.

Chakotay finished the sentence, "Created a civil war in my head! I wanted a child, yes. But Seska! I had feelings for Seska at one time, but she was the last woman I would have chosen to raise a child with! Even before I found out she was Cardassian."

Becoming more serious, he continued, "I refused to think about that child or consider it mine until our conversation in your ready room when you told me Voyager was at my disposal if I wanted to rescue my baby."

Kathryn wasn't sure where he was going. Did he blame her? She hesitated hoping he would explain further.

"I was angry at you for suggesting it, but I went on a vision quest and came out believing that I had to accept Seska's child in my heart. I wonder now if I hadn't wanted a child for so long, would I have risked Voyager? Or would I have been better able to see through Seska's deceptions, better able to protect this ship?"

"Chakotay, we had no way of knowing. You forget Seska wasn't lying. She and the Maje believed it was your child. And we made a joint decision." Janeway spoke with conviction, "You may second guess your decisions, but I am set in mine."

The captain was suddenly on her feet, pacing. "I made a decision early in our time in the Delta Quadrant, I'm not leaving anyone behind. Unless they ask to be put off this ship, every member of this crew and every offspring of a member of this crew are going to receive the full protection of Voyager. We won't be plucked off one by one, and anyone who messes with Voyager will know we value our people, each life, and that we are prepared to defend them!"

"No. We didn't lose them because of a decision to defend the innocent!" Kathryn waved her arm toward the window. "We lost those men because we didn't anticipate the number of Kazon lives they'd sacrifice just to acquire Voyager. We're battling an enemy who cares nothing for their own people. They lost two ships and nearly one hundred men in that attack."

Turning to face Chakotay with both hands on her hips, Kathryn concluded, "They were determined to take Voyager. It was a battle we would have had to fight one way or another. Baby or no baby, Chakotay." Standing directly in front of him, she finished her impassioned speech.

Chakotay lifted his glass to his lips and calmly watched the passionate woman in front of him. "I suppose."

Kathryn tried to sit back down but suddenly felt uncomfortable, uneasy. She didn't like it when her first officer didn't share her confidence. And after her spontaneous captain's speech, it was difficult to slip back into casual friend mode.

Casually observing Kathryn's change in demeanor, Chakotay asked, "Want to talk about Starfleet?"

Raising an eyebrow and poising herself on the edge of the sofa, Kathryn asked, "It's a broad subject. Was there something a little more specific you had in mind?"

"Enough to alleviate that sense of suspicion you felt try to guess the extent of a certain Maquis captain's Starfleet connections."

"Sure, I knew a lot of the right people, but I didn't join the Maquis with 'connections' quite like B'Elanna thought. The Starfleet connections that B'Elanna suspected were above board."

Kathryn snorted, "Really? How does a Maquis have 'above board' Starfleet connections?"

Chakotay pondered a moment and then spoke, "Hypothetically speaking, if Starfleet brass were skeptical about the Cardassians keeping their side of the treaty, what would be the best way to evaluate their suspicions?"

"It is a difficult position. If Starfleet Intelligence goes too far and are discovered by the Cardassians, then they risk putting the Federation in breach of the treaty."

"But if..." Kathryn began to follow his lead. "If Starfleet Intelligence knew of a private citizen whose future dealings might make him privy to classified Cardassian information." She frowned unable to put the puzzle together.

Chakotay helped her along. "Then a simple request to notify Starfleet Intelligence to any substantial threats to the Federation would certainly be in order."

"Of course, and they would have to devise a means for him to do so." Kathryn eyed him carefully, as if the scrutiny of her gaze would reveal the rest of his thoughts. "But how would the Maquis benefit from the arrangement?"

Chakotay frowned as if he was trying to put the puzzle together himself. "Maybe they don't directly." He shrugged off the question. "But, what I often wonder, is why would Starfleet send a ship on assignment after a Maquis vessel that regularly provided Starfleet Intelligence information?"

He cringed slightly, realizing those last words were as good as a direct admission. Smiling, he added, "Hypothetically speaking of course."

With a knowing but slightly tipsy smile, Janeway batted a hand in his direction. "Oh, of course."

Kathryn leaned back on the sofa and considered what he was implying. Voyager was assigned to find and stop Liberty specifically on account of Cardassian complaints. She knew the Cardassian accusations well.

Stretching her arms out across the top of the sofa, Kathryn rolled it over in her mind. Why would the Cardassians pressure the Federation to capture a Maquis vessel that the Cardassians already successfully infiltrated? What did Chakotay provide the Federation that threatened the Cardassians? Why wouldn't they inform their own operative of Tuvok's infiltration? Or arrange with Starfleet to have Seska pulled out along with him? Had Seska so thoroughly compromised her operation that the Cardassians had no regard for her? And damn him for bringing this up at the bottom of the bottle.

"I don't know who I have to thank for our introduction, Seska or the Cardassians!"

"So you give me the answer to one mystery, just to open up a bigger one before I leave." She frowned. "Not fair. Now, how will I sleep?"

Laughing, he replied, "Oh, you'll sleep. You'll sleep just fine. The Romulan ale will help with that."

Kathryn glared at him. She was certain he waited until he saw the ale was affecting her before bringing it up. No doubt it was a calculated move.

She rose from the sofa and walked over to his side. Resting her hand on his shoulder, Kathryn began, "Commander." Censoring her thoughts, it was difficult to come up with an appropriate goodbye.

He covered her hand in his. His shoulders relaxed beneath her touch. "Good night, Kathryn. And thank you. I needed a friend tonight."

She walked to the door and looked back. Giving him one last wistful look from the exit, Kathryn spoke softly, "Sleep well."

Kathryn was working in her ready room early the next morning. The gamma shift crew had run a ship wide systems check, and it was her habit to know the exact condition of her ship. Kathryn read every report as it came in.

Eventually a lull came in her morning reading. Her thoughts soon turned to what Chakotay had told her the night before. Pulling up numerous Starfleet Intelligence files she began to investigate.

Her head hurt. Her second cup of coffee was empty, and she could not connect the dots between any Starfleet Intelligence files on the Cardassians with any Maquis informants. Staring at the list of file names uncovered no secrets. With only seven hours sleep to recover from the night on the planet and nearly two hours of reading padds, her instincts were a little sluggish.

Rising from her desk, Kathryn stretched out her back and checked the time. She had ordered a senior staff meeting at 0930 and the time was approaching. With fifteen minutes to spare, Kathryn decided the throbbing in her head was worth a visit to sickbay.

Kathryn Janeway managed to maintain her calm command exterior, but her stomach threatened to revolt. She looked a little like she had been sucking lemons. Taking the padd, she asked, "Where do we stand right now?"

"All Starfleet command codes have been re-initialized on primary and secondary systems. However, Seska was invasive in her methods of compromising our security. It will take time to find every sub-system that she has infiltrated."

"Invasive. Yes, she certainly was that. Tuvok, please have a seat." Kathryn slumped back into her own chair. "I have been wondering about something. Maybe you can help. If, and that is only if, Starfleet was pressured by the Cardassians to send Voyager after Liberty, what would have been their motivation?"

"Liberty was very successful in a number of skirmishes against the Cardassians. Perhaps they had grown tired of losing their own vessels and decided to use their leverage with the Federation."

"But what other reasons might there be? I want all of them, even ideas that are unsubstantiated."

"Before I was assigned to infiltrate Liberty, Chakotay had left her for a time. Some valued Maquis leaders were taken prisoner. Chakotay and others, including Ro Laren who took his Advanced Tactical class, joined together to infiltrate the Cardassian prison. They were successful and also gained some strategic files in the process. There were rumors that the team also took a database full of Cardassian torture records. I overheard Seska asking Chakotay about it, but there was positively no evidence and Chakotay flatly denied it. In the end, it appeared to be nothing more than a rumor."

Kathryn frowned. She had her answer but didn't let on. "Thank you, Tuvok. But if you think of anything else, do let me know."

One of the things Kathryn did at the morning's meeting was hand over the responsibility of the funeral to Commander Chakotay. All four of the deceased, including Seska, were originally Maquis. She asked the senior staff to inform Chakotay if there was anyone in particular that they should plan to have speak for the individuals who had died.

Tuvok volunteered to share with the crew from his knowledge of Lon Suder's progress, and Chakotay said he already knew who would want to speak for the others.

At 1500 the next day the crew gathered for the funeral service. Chell did the eulogy for Hogan. Tuvok followed and spoke highly of Lon Suder's desire to do something for the ship and his overall progress before he died. Sam Wildman shared about the assistance Crewman Kirch, as a fellow science officer, provided her during her pregnancy and what a good friend he became to her.

Commander Chakotay put an arm around Wildman and thanked her. Sam gratefully stepped aside allowing the commander to conclude the service.

"Suder, Hogan, Kirch. We fought some atrocious battles together against the Cardassians. We took some substantial risks, and we always knew we might die in battle." Chakotay's voice became more reflective. "Almost expected it, except, none of us could have foreseen this battle."

Clearing his throat, Commander Chakotay surveyed the room. "When I resigned Starfleet to join the Maquis, I never would have guessed that a Cardassian would want to kill me, or any of us, for putting a Starfleet uniform back on. But many of the former Maquis, can tell you that is what Seska has done, and that's what made the Maquis her enemy. In the Alpha Quadrant it appeared that the Maquis were the Cardassian's enemy, but for one Cardassian in the Delta Quadrant, we see it's the Federation that she hated.

"Under the Starfleet-Cardassian treaty, Seska could have sought immunity from Captain Janeway when we boarded Voyager. Given that we were stranded in the Delta Quadrant, she could have requested that her Cardassian physiology remain concealed for the sake of her personal safety. And, according to Starfleet regulations, the captain and doctor would have been obligated to honour that request. But that wasn't what Seska wanted. She wanted a Maquis mutiny, but she couldn't have that. The Maquis wouldn't give it to her.

"For the rest of us, the Delta Quadrant brought us together. As our two crews became one, we found out what we were made of. We've been tested in battle and in our loyalties, and we have had some surprises. Jonas, once loyal to the Maquis cause, chose to work with Seska. While Lon Suder, who seemed loyal to no one, died to put us back on this vessel.

"Indeed, we all have had to make choices, and in those choices, we have found out who our friends are and who they are not. Today, we say good-bye to three good friends whose contribution to our lives and to this ship will not be forgotten. But, we also say good-bye to Seska, one who has tested the integrity and character of this crew. My consolation today is in knowing how well this crew has passed the test."

Chakotay look around the room at Paris, Tuvok, and Janeway, as he said, "When we came together two years ago, I didn't know who I could trust. Today, I am strengthened by the knowledge that in this room and on this ship we all are among friends. It is in the knowledge of this crew's strength and reliability that I find the confidence to say that no matter what the Delta Quadrant has to throw at us, Kazon, Vidian, or anything else, with all of us working together, and the help of new friends," He nodded towards Kes and Neelix. "We will prevail."

Chakotay paused to give the crew a moment of reflection, "And we will remember the friends we've lost along the way. Release the pods."

The familiar whistle sliced the air, and the crew turned to watch four pods jettisoned from Voyager. The ships close proximity to a red giant made the black pods visible for only a short duration.

Once the formal service was over, the crew broke off into small groups. Neelix had refreshments prepared for the gathering.

Captain Janeway approached Tuvok. As he turned to her, she commented, "Thank you for sharing about Lon Suder. I think it helped the whole crew to hear about the progress he was making."

Tuvok agreed, "It was progress well worth mentioning." Looking across the room at Chakotay, he added, "Captain, I was uncertain about your decision to have Commander Chakotay preside over this service; but I must say, having heard his closing sentiments, it was a wise choice."

"Thank you, Tuvok. I was hoping that Chakotay's perspective might bolster moral and solidify unity." Kathryn smiled.

Tuvok waited for the captain to respond, but she appeared to be deep in thought watching Chakotay speak to Gerron on the other side of the room.

The young Bajoran talked while the commander listened intently. Chakotay squeezed Gerron's shoulder and replied. Gerron looked up at the commander and smiled. The young man was maturing and developing more confidence on board Voyager. Kathryn was pleased to see him responding favourably to her first officer's encouragement.

B'Elanna approached the captain and Tuvok. She too, followed the captain's gaze. Tuvok silently acknowledged B'Elanna and both waited for the captain.

Kathryn admired Chakotay as he moved among another group of crew members. Many of them were Maquis, but she noted that even those who had the hardest time adjusting were now mixed with her original Starfleet crew.

When Chakotay put a hand on Mariah Henley's shoulder, she turned and gave him a quick hug. Kathryn imagined Henley was updating Chakotay on an old story the group was sharing because he chuckled.

His laugh reminded her of the intimate conversation they shared over the bottle of Romulan Ale. She had never spent time in his quarters quite like that and it proved to be an eye-opener. She had been comfortable there, more comfortable than she had been anywhere in a long time. His quarters had the feel of her favorite coffee shop in San Francisco, the kind of place where she could just be, and be herself. If she could just choose to let go and not be captain for a while, he knew how to let her. Kathryn dreamed of letting herself receive the comfort that could be found regularly listening to that laugh, in the privacy of her first officer's quarters.

Until now, she knew she needed Chakotay. She learned that she could trust him, and she enjoyed his company. But now, thinking about the academy instructor who had wanted a family, the angry warrior who killed to defend his people, and watching the effective leader who swallowed his own pain to build the moral of their crew, Kathryn knew she loved him.

Suddenly, aware of those near her, Kathryn looked at Tuvok and B'Elanna. Unsure of how long B'Elanna was standing there, or if either had been able to read her thoughts, the captain was momentarily embarrassed. Recovering, she said, "Yes, he did a fine job. I must go get something to drink. Please, excuse me."

Both stood in silence as they searched for a change in topic so they wouldn't have to discuss their captain's odd behavior and obvious admiration of Chakotay. B'Elanna could not hide her surprised expression. Tuvok raised one eyebrow. Both stood in silence. B'Elanna was convinced that the captain was falling in love with her first officer.

Kathryn got herself a cup of coffee and walked over to Chakotay. Her approaching presence dispersed a couple of the people he was talking to. Only time in command taught her to get used to that, but today it held an advantage.

Mariah Henley and Chell remained. Chakotay filled her in on the story about Hogan and Kathryn politely listened while Henley told the rest. She was pleased to see them so naturally converse with her, so she listened to another story before ending the conversation as only a captain can.

"Commander," Janeway spoke officially into a quiet moment in the conversation, causing Chell and Henley to casually slip into another group nearby.

"Yes, Captain," he said giving her his undivided attention. Unconsciously, he placed his hand on her elbow and they walked away from the crowd.

Wide eyed he was astonished at the speed with which she uncovered his secret. "A database?"

Realizing what he said all Chakotay could do was laugh. He stared into her clever blue eyes and laughed. She had him and despite himself he loved it when Kathryn had him. When she did, he was still safe and even Chakotay the angry warrior needed to feel safe.

Kathryn saw that he trusted her. She knew she had his devotion, even his love, but after how Seska hurt him, winning his trust was a greater honor. Her eyes smiled, her expression, softer than usual.

Seeing her countenance, Chakotay began to think maybe just maybe there was a chance. He grinned at the possibility.

Chakotay and Kathryn slipped out of the reception and went for a walk. They casually discussed ships operations while Chakotay followed Kathryn's lead through the corridors.

When they reached the airponics bay, Kathryn asked the computer, "Computer, is there anyone in the airponics bay?"

They entered in silence. Kathryn paused as the door closed behind her. "Computer, notify me if anyone approaches to enter the airponics bay."

Chakotay tried his best to suppress his smile. He didn't know what she was up to but he liked where this was going.

Kathryn glanced at her first officer and saw the smile. She smiled back and took his hand. "Come on."

They walked into the depths of the foliage and found a place to sit near the back wall of the bay.

"I can see that." He sat down beside her and put a supportive arm around her back.

He gave her a friendly squeeze and said, "I never wanted to be your enemy. I'm glad we met here in the Delta Quadrant."

She looked up into his face and replied, "I was ready to use whatever force was necessary to bring you into custody."

He listened intently. He knew, if pushed, he would have done just about anything to resist arrest. "The main thing is you've captured me now."

Her eyelashes fluttered and her cheeks blushed at his sensual tone. "What happened to the data base?"

Chakotay cleared his throat and spoke firmly, "Kathryn, as long as our destination is the Alpha Quadrant it is best that you know as little about that as possible."

She searched his eyes, "But why? You gave it to the Federation? Surely, the information you provided must have revealed breaches in the Cardassian Federation treaty that too many Starfleet officers are already painfully aware of. Such documentation of that fact could even change the Federation's stance on the Maquis."

Silence fell between the two of them. Both knew that instead of that happening, Voyager was sent out to capture Chakotay. All of Kathryn's Federation loyalties fought against the conclusion in her mind.

Chakotay sighed. "I joined Starfleet in love with Federation ideals. I never expected to be called an enemy of the Federation. When I left Starfleet and joined the Maquis, it was like I stepped out of a beautiful mansion, and turned around to look at the house that I grew up in, to discover sections of its roof were ready to fall in. I still love those ideals, Kathryn, and believe in everything the Federation was built on. But that shoddy roof is people in high places who are willing to sacrifice innocent blood for the sake their own peace and comfort. They are even willing to turn a blind eye to the torture and murder of those who serve the Federation, for what they think will be valuable trade ties. But the Cardassians are not sincere and in the end the whole Federation is going to suffer."

"Telling you what I know could put you in trouble with those people and I don't want to do that."

Standing quickly to face him, she put her hands on her hips. "What do I care? We are a long way from home. Besides I want to stand on the solid principles not under that shoddy roof!"

"It's not about trust, Kathryn." Chakotay stood up, held her by the shoulders, and took a deep breath. "When I told you how I felt about you on New Earth, I thought we were stuck there. I never would have shared what I did if I knew we were still headed home. I don't ever want to be a point of pain for you. Making me your first officer is already more controversial than you know."

Out of pure frustration, Kathryn clasped her hands around the back of Chakotay's neck, closed the gap between them, and kissed him passionately.

Every reasonable argument fell from his mind as Chakotay wrapped her up in his arms and kissed her with years of longing. A tear slowly slid down his cheek. Clearly shaken, he broke the kiss but held her close and stroked her hair.

"Kathryn. I love you and trust you… I think I trust you more than I trust myself." He hesitated and cleared his throat. "But, I have seen a lot of people I love suffer. Serving you gives me peace but if ever I were the source of pain for you, I think I'd die."

Wiping the tears from her eyes, Kathryn took his hand. "Then don't hold back. Please, not anymore."

Chakotay looked deeply into her eyes and kissed her passionately again. He accidentally bumped a plant hanging against the back wall. The plant released its tiny blossoms all over the couple. Oblivious to the shower of petals, he held her close to him for a long time.

He nuzzled into her neck and asked, "Can you give me a little time on that, Kathryn? I've carried them alone this long."

Kathryn shrugged. "At this rate you might have seventy-five years before it's an issue."

Chakotay held her by the waist and leaned his forehead against hers, "I can think of a few things to do with the time, how about you?"

The computer notified her that Kes and Neelix were approaching the airponics bay.

The command team hastily pulled apart and tried to look professional. They saw the flowers and tried to dust off each other's uniforms. Chakotay plucked some from Kathryn's hair and attempted tuck in a stray lock, but the hair needed Kathryn's skillful touch. Both laughed as they straightened their uniforms, but they couldn't clean up the emotions splayed across their faces, or the flowers all over the place. Kathryn tried to fix her captain's demeanor, with Chakotay watching. He tried not to laugh, and the more he tried not to, the harder it was. Kathryn gave up and burst into giggles herself.

Kes and Neelix, curious about the sound in the back of the bay, found the command team laughing uncontrollably. Their eyes showed they'd both obviously shed a few tears.

Kes sensed the depth of the moment. Both pleased and respectful of their space, she said, "Excuse us." and pulled Neelix away. To his protests she firmly replied, "We don't need an explanation."

Chakotay offered Kathryn his arm and said, "We should go. The funeral service must be over by now."

He picked up a glass of wine and handed it to her with a kiss. Placing a hand behind her back, they walked to the sofa. "Long day?"

Kathryn rested on the sofa and replied, "It is hard to imagine sitting in the Sickbay all day could take so much out of a person."

"Just a lot on my mind. Being inside someone else's head can give you a lot to think about."

"My only concern is its impact on you." He considered her for a moment and said, "Take off your jacket and turtleneck."

Chakotay put one knee on the sofa and leaned against the back of it. "Now come over here."

Kathryn backed herself against Chakotay and he began to work on her neck and shoulders.

"Other people's experiences are beginning to cause me to rethink some things, things I was pretty confident about."

"I am an admiral's daughter." Kathryn tilted her head in response to Chakotay's hands. "My earliest memories are as an admiral's daughter. My father was a man of exceptional integrity. He believed in and gave his life to serving Starfleet. I think I wanted to believe Starfleet had my father's characteristics, but it doesn't. Knowing about your experience and seeing Starfleet through Tuvok's eyes has shown me it's different from what I grew up believing in. My father would never have dreamed of falsifying documents."

Chakotay cleared his throat in an attempt to remind her she was revealing information she learned from the mind meld.

Kathryn continued, "I was always taught to make the best decision you could see in a difficult situation and be ready to pay the price for it. I always trusted that integrity ruled in the upper echelons, so I never doubted the wisdom of that stance."

"I don't think I'm following, Kathryn." Working down her back he added, with a hint of humor, "You're not thinking of falsifying something, are you?"

"Of course not." She rolled her eyes at the suggestion. "It's just that I want to know how bad it is, Chakotay. I mean, aside from the fact that I may have peers who falsify documents to cover up what is really going on out in space. I want to know what you know. I want to know about this Cardassian data base and what Starfleet did with it."

Chakotay wrapped both of his arms around her shoulders and asked, "Are you never going to stop bringing that up?"

"I thought I'd ask every month or so for the next seventy-five years. I'm not a quitter, you know."

He kissed her cheek. "Yes, I know." Chakotay returned to working the knots out of her back.

"I had one hidden aboard Liberty. We sent one to Starfleet, and Ro Laren has original."

"No. I wanted to as a show of good faith, but Ro would have nothing to do with it. Fortunately."

"No." Chakotay continued the massage indifferent to the question. But, appreciating Kathryn's concern on a personal level, he added, "She was my student, but quickly surpassed her teacher in the area of advanced tactical. She was a friend and a colleague. She was a lot like B'Elanna is to me, except Ro talked to me more about things."

"Because she is brilliant and driven. It was our hope that if it got into the right hands then the proper people in authority in Cardassian government could be tried for war crimes. And that maybe if the corruption in both governments was dealt with then maybe the Maquis terms might be considered. But Ro also had a personal interest in seeing the database in responsible hands."

"It contained information about the torture of one Starfleet officer that she was fond of and felt she owed a personal debt to. It also had records of the murders of some others that she had indirect connections to. She wanted to see the perpetrators of these crimes brought to justice."

"We heard and saw it all. It contained visual and audio records of the torture and murder of Starfleet officers. It also contained precise records of drug inducement, and any other technologies, or treatments used upon the prisoners."

Chakotay rose from the sofa, draped Kathryn's jacket over her shoulders, and spoke sarcastically, "There. Now did that help you relax?"

He walked away from her and stared out the window. The memory of the things he had seen fresh in his mind.

Kathryn came from behind him and hugged him gently. She leaned her head against his back and said, "When we get home, we'll face it together."

She added, "And whatever you have left to do, we'll do together." Chakotay swallowed hard and stared at her.

He feared for her but understood Kathryn wasn't talking about risking her position in Starfleet for him alone. Following in her father's integrity, it was for the principles she believed in. He had to let her take that risk. He had to let her stand with him… if the day ever came.

For now he held her in his arms and buried his face in her hair. In the window behind them the stars streamed by, a reminder that every day brought them a little closer to home or that they had thousands of light years to go.

This fic posted with pride on:

HOME
maquishunter@yahoo.com

Feedback Made Simple

Star Trek™©, Star Trek: The Next Generation™©, Star Trek: Voyager™© and related properties are Registered Trademarks of Paramount Pictures. No copyright infringement intended. No profits made here. © Magical M, May 2005.