Twelfth Night
by Delta Story

This time it was Kathryn Janeway’s turn to ‘host’ the gathering. She found a lodge tucked into a wooded area around Mt. Hood, and then perfunctorily invited her guests to spend a couple of days at the picturesque site. A gentle snow from the day before blanketed the area, creating an unbroken vista of peace and solitude. The low winter sun reflected crisply off the snowy scene. She knew everyone had been working hard and downtime would be the order of the day. In contrast with the constant dress and duty code aboard Voyager, she firmly stated that uniforms were not allowed nor would any Starfleet talk be tolerated at the gathering. Everyone knew that what Janeway said, even for a recreation event, went. Period.

Beginning shortly after noon on the early January day, her guests began transporting in. The earliest arrivals were Megan and Jennie Delaney, both with new husbands to show off; Harry and Libby Kim followed on their heels three minutes later. By five o’clock, all forty-two guests had arrived and settled into their rooms, preparing for the evening’s festivities of a seasonal buffet dinner followed by a time for some fun and relaxation. Janeway smiled, noting that everyone had followed her ‘orders’ – not a uniform or Starfleet insignia could be seen.

Forty-two out of the one hundred and forty-one who had returned – not even all of her senior staff had come. Well, that was to be expected, she consoled herself. The trip from Vulcan every time there was a get-together was a little much to ask of Tuvok. And the doctor was so involved now with all his research and presentations. She really did understand.

Her biggest surprise was that Chakotay had come. She hadn’t seen him in almost six months, even though others certainly made it their business to keep her informed about him, especially the fact that he and Seven had split company – oh, my, how people had let her know about that! She still hadn’t seen him today; he arrived when she was checking on things elsewhere and he had gone directly to his room. She knew of his arrival only when she ran into Tom.

“Admiral!” her former helmsman smiled brightly. “Commander Chakotay is here and he asked me to pass along his greetings.”

An unconvinced look came over her. “Really? And just what is that supposed to mean?” She winced, knowing that her remarks came out much harsher than she meant.

“Uh… that he arrived okay and he’s here?” Tom replied. “He’s really looking quite good,” he added hastily. “I think he’s looking forward to seeing you.”

“I’m sure,” she answered, again with a coolness she hadn’t meant. She reached out for Tom’s arm, seeing that her words weren’t the response he’d expected. “I’m… I’m sorry, Tom; I’ve got a lot on my mind. Of course I’m glad Chakotay is here; I look forward to seeing him – truly I do.”

She hurried off before the sudden redness in her face became apparent to the younger man. She hurried off before she saw a smile came over his face; oh yes; he’d noticed!

The stealth-like staff of the lodge cleared away the remains of the lavish meal, leaving only liquid refreshments and a huge cake that everyone decided should be cut and eaten later in the evening. A post-prandial lethargy led the group to sink into the deep chairs and sofas found in the large gathering room of the lodge. Talk and laughter became diminished as the blazing warmth from the fireplace, which took up almost an entire wall at one end of the room, wrapped itself around everyone. The soft lilt of the music, the glow from candles in wall sconces and the sweet pungency of decorative greenery added to the cozy contentment of all, a time for reflection on the past and dreams of the future.

Suddenly blazing light brightened the room and the music became lively with percussion and blaring brass. Whoops and hollers rang from the long hall leading from the great room to the stairs and sleeping areas. The half-asleep group awakened and turned towards the cheerful sounds. Megan, Jenny and Libby, clad in dresses with swirling skirts of vibrant colors, paraded from the confines of the darkened hallway, laughing and cavorting like sprites from the woods. In like fashion, Harry appeared, looking a wee bit uncomfortable but following along with the gaiety, dressed as a court jester, carrying a scepter topped with bells.

“What the…???”

“Who the…?”

“What’s going on?” Sudden animated outbursts, along with giggles and laughter, greeted the revelers.

Tom jumped up and linked arms with Harry, joining him in an impromptu, albeit uncharacteristic, jig. “Come on, folks – it’s January 6th; it’s Twelfth Night! This is no time to fall back and sleep off dinner. It’s party time!”

The dancing ladies took their cue, running to a large chest to one side of the room and pulled out a treasure trove of outlandish hats and headwear. They sprinted around the room, placing a hat on each person, refusing to let anyone shy away from the frivolity. Their random actions found a floral wreath plopped atop Chell’s rounded head. A Viking’s helmet encased Susan Nicoletti’s brown hair, while Ken Dalby ended up with a Medusa-like Kazon ‘do’. Chakotay looked right at home with a large sombrero that fit all too well. B’Elanna grimaced as Jenny gleefully popped a Terran medieval princess hat on her head, its filmy veils cascading down her shoulders and back. Even the group’s former leader couldn’t escape – Kathryn Janeway found herself ‘crowned’ with a wig of stylishly coifed gray hair. A single gasp became a chorus as everyone turned to look at her – she had been transformed into looking like the ‘older’ Admiral Janeway who had provided them with the means of returning home.

A chill ran through her body as she realized what they saw. Here she was, now an admiral herself, looking like who she was to become. ‘Like someone walking over my grave’, she thought. She reached up, determined to rid herself of the harbinger, but thought better of it; after all, it was just a harmless little party game. She smiled and patted the hair, shaking her head with a light-hearted flippancy. Soon, everyone else joined her and the tension broke. The party chatter resumed; the crowd looked around to see who the next ‘victim’ was going to be.

Janeway’s eyes darted around, finding Chakotay a few feet away from her. He, too, looked shocked at first. Then he smiled – that ever-comforting smile of his – and any apprehension that remained left her.

She suddenly realized that he was next to her. “Nice to see that the years have been good to you,” he said, his eyes still locked onto hers. She made another reach to remove the wig, but his hand stopped her, his touch firm but playful at the same time. “No, no, Kathryn, that’s not the game. If I leave mine on, you’ve got to let yours be, too.”

“But I look like my own grandmother,” she scowled. “You look so dashing in yours.”

“Dashing?” he asked as his smile broadened beneath gleaming eyes. “I don’t think you’ve ever said that about me!”

“Well, tonight you do,” she answered before she realized it. “I mean…”

“You mean what?” he whispered.

Before she could counter, Tom’s voice rang out. When had he taken over the ‘hosting’ job from her? Oh, well; he was probably better suited to it anyway; let him go on, she thought.

“Okay, everyone – enough of this somber attitude. It’s time to party and Harry has promised us some good dance music! But, before we all forget about it, I suggest we rev up the energy a bit by having some of the cake and some more punch. Captain… er… I mean… Admiral, would you do us the honors?” Taking her elbow, he guided her over to the refreshment table.

Janeway looked at the cake; it was different from the one she’d ordered. This one was a large sheet of confection, dark and heavy in texture, not spread with creamy icing but topped with a colorful profusion of candied fruits and nuts. A pungent odor of brandy surrounded the cake, leaving no doubt as to its flavoring. “Tom…” she said, half-questioning him.

“It’s called a Twelfth Night cake,” he began explaining before she could ask. “It’s a tradition that comes from a lot of Terran cultures over the centuries. We each eat a piece for good luck with the new year. Hidden inside, there’s a small coin. Whoever gets the coin is dubbed our king or queen for the night and he or she gets to ask each of us for a favor.” He handed her the cake server. “Here – do you want to cut or shall I?”

She yanked the serving piece from his hand, a fake glower on her face. “Tom, so help me – if this is another one of your practical jokes…”

He held up his hands and jumped back a step. “No ma’am – nothing like that! I just thought it might be fun to revive a couple of old traditions with the hats and cake. I certainly didn’t mean overstep your boundaries or anything.”

She smiled back at him. “All right. But, if this cake explodes or shapeshifts or turns into a Borg, you’ll be demoted again faster than warp 10.” She began cutting the cake, as plates appeared waiting to be filled. “And that coin better be just that – nothing that will make us grow extra heads or require isolation for a week.”

By the time everyone had some cake, Janeway had licked her fingers so often that she felt giddy from the brandy. Or maybe it was that she was just having a good time, basking in the fun all around her. She had taken only a couple of bites from her piece of cake when she heard Chakotay cry out.

“Ouch! What the hell…” He abruptly held his jaw, nursing an obvious jarring. Everyone turned, watching as he ran his tongue along the inside of his mouth, scowling as he probed. The frown suddenly turned into a grin as he reached into his mouth with his thumb and smiled broadly, extracting a small silver coin. He held it out so all could see. “Well, well… guess it’s my lucky night.” He exclaimed, turning towards Tom. “So I get to ask a favor of each person here, right?” Tom nodded in agreement. “Is that just for tonight, or does my luck last longer?”

“Only until midnight tonight, so you better get busy!” ” Tom answered, pulling back the cloth hanging well over the edge of the table. As he stood up, the crowd saw a golden foil crown in his hands. “And here – let’s replace that sombrero with something a little more regal… your highness!”

Chakotay donned his new headwear with great pomp and circumstance. “I always did want to be the one in charge,” he grinned, looking over at Janeway. “Guess I’d better take whatever is offered to me.”

Janeway smiled and shook her head. It was good to see him laugh and smile again; she knew that there had to be some despondency in his heart after the break up of his relationship with Seven. Even though she’d been told that the split was mutual and amicable, she also knew that Chakotay was far too sensitive a person not to feel some loss and grief, wondering just why it all had happened. Her eyes followed him for a long time as he made his rounds with his friends, demanding outlandish little stunts from them, laughing with them as much as at them, clapping them on the shoulders, sometimes even hugging them.

While her guests lost themselves in the silliness and fun, she turned and busied herself with helping the serving staff clean up the room a bit. The music was getting louder, the drinks flowing more freely and the dancing turned lively – better get anything breakable out of harm’s way! She settled back into the shadows, content with the knowledge that everyone was having a good time.

Over an hour passed and the party continued in its raucous way. She wandered over to the bar area, requesting a glass of sparkling water. As she waited for her drink, she smiled and took off the idiotic wig, fluffing her hair out from its imprisoned state. Gray hair would come soon enough; no need to hurry it along!

Just as she reached for her glass, offering her thanks, she felt a hand on her shoulder. “Now it’s your turn, Kathryn,” the voice said softly.

She turned quickly, startled by his voice. Chakotay was smiling down at her, his eyes deep and unfathomable. “Chakotay!” she blurted out.

“That’s me,” he answered. “Now – for that favor…”

A shiver ran from her head to her knees. She looked around; no one else was around them except the bar server. Suddenly she was apprehensive. She gulped at her drink rather than respond to him.

“How about a dance?” he asked. “Do you know that we’ve never danced together?”

“A dance!” she answered brightly. “Yes – that would be lovely!” Putting down the glass of water, she took his proffered hand. They walked to the dance floor, neither of them noticing that the music was rapidly concluding the current piece. Just as they positioned themselves to begin, the music stopped.

“Well, that’s got to be the quickest dance number in history; thanks!” she smiled, pulling away from him.

“Oh, you’re not going to get away that easily,” he grinned. “Not this time.” He nodded towards the little combo and they began playing a song that sounded very familiar to her. He placed his arm around her waist and took her hand. The music – the song was familiar but she couldn’t place it. He pulled her closer, but she didn’t notice. That song –then it dawned on her. It was back on Voyager, back in the Delta Quadrant, right after they had gotten their first letters from Earth. When they had laughed with hope and expectation, reading unspoken messages in each other’s eyes as he comforted her about her ‘Dear John’ letter from Mark. There was a party – Neelix had insisted on a party. She had commented on the tune playing as they walked into the mess hall, noting that she’d never heard it before but that it seemed to say the ‘right things’. Harry later told her that he’d written the song. He called it “Mooncalm”.

And now the combo was playing it again. Only this time it was Chakotay who needed the consolation. Or did he? His hand pressed gently into the small of her back, guiding her into the rhythms with him. His fingertips urged her to join him in a single fluid movement as their bodies came closer. He drew her closer with his other hand until their hands and arms were nestled between them. She felt his warm breath, felt the muffled beat of his heart against her. She smelled the mingled mix of scents arising from his being, sending her messages that she knew she shouldn’t respond to. But she was… and he was. Her face found the niche under his shoulder, his chin rested on top of her head. Neither of them spoke a word as the music carried them off into another time and place.

“Um… Commander… Admiral…” Harry’s voice awoke them from their reverie, their bodies still moving slowly. “Uh… the music’s stopped and the combo is packing up.”

They both blushed as they quickly separated, smoothing out their clothes and stumbling for words.

“Oh, so it has!” Janeway exclaimed as if she knew it all along. She laughed heartily, looking over the rapidly thinning crowd. “It’s been a long day; I guess we both sort of drifted off for awhile.”

B’Elanna was dragging Tom off, but he leaned over as they passed the senior couple. “Well, if you’re both so tired, maybe you should go to bed!” he winked mischievously. Janeway looked at him with eyes full of shock, only to be quickly distracted by others leaving and offering their thanks to her for the fun-filled evening.

Suddenly, all was still; only Janeway and Chakotay remained in the large room that just moments earlier overflowed with people, full of warmth and friendship on this cold winter’s night. Now, the dying flames in the huge fireplace were their sole companions, their reflections flickering golden good-byes off the frosty windows.

“It’s been quite a party,” Kathryn smiled, linking her arm through his. “We have a good crew here, Commander.”

He smiled down on her. “I’ve always known that. And you and I make a good team, too, Kathryn.”

“Yes, we do,” she sighed. “We always have, in spite of our differences.”

She pulled away and began walking towards the staircase. He followed her. “Mind if I walk you to your room?” he asked.

“That would be lovely,” she smiled, holding her hand he held out to him.

Their steps were slow and metered as they walked up the long rustic stairway to the level of their rooms. “Which room are you in?” he asked.

“The Sequoia.”

“Really? I’m in the Fraser Fir room; I think that it’s right next to yours!”

“Imagine that,” she laughed. “Just like the good old days on Voyager, when our quarters were right next to each other.

They arrived at his door first, their halt hesitant and indecisive.

“Kathryn…” “Chakotay…” Their words rang in unison, followed soft laughter.

“You first,” she said.

“Um… I know that in my role for the evening I’ve already made my request from you, but would you like to come in for a little while?” His words sounded apprehensive.

“Just a little while,” she answered. “It’s been a busy evening – especially for an ‘old woman’ like me!”

He fumbled with the old-fashioned doorknob, unable to grip its surface properly with his moist palms. She smiled; it was good to see he was as jittery as she was. Finally, with a blushing smile, he pushed the heavy wooden door open. He stepped into the room, his glance silently inviting her to follow.

“Can I get you anything?” he asked as they walked into the large room. “Juice? Water? Coffee?”

“No, no, I’m fine,” she smiled. She walked over towards the window, looking out onto the glistening snow below. The almost-full moon reflected back, filling the scene with an icy-blue twinkling.

He followed her until he was almost leaning against her back. After an initial bit of hesitation, he wrapped his arms around her waist, locking them in front of her. Her hands found the way to his and covered them gently. They stood silently for several minutes, concentrating on the wintry scene outside but lost in the turmoil of their individual internal uncertainties.

Chakotay’s soft voice was the one that broke the silence. “Kathryn, tell me something. Did you ever really know why the older Janeway came back in time to change the course of events for Voyager’s return?”

“I think you know the answer to that,” she answered, her voice low and husky.

“The bit about Seven’s death and my ‘inconsolable’ grief? Yes, I know that story. But surely that wasn’t her sole reason. I mean, she sacrificed her life for all of us on Voyager…” His words froze, like the icicles outside, hanging heavily and ready to cut into the night if they dared to fall.

Janeway blinked back ancient fears, thinking of all that the older Janeway had told her – about Chakotay’s malignant melancholy and his lonely death; how his absence gnawed away at her, devouring her as surely as any cancerous growth. “Her sacrifice was for you… and for herself,” she whispered. “She loved you, you know. She loved you so much that she was willing to go back in time and sacrifice herself – and her love for you – by ‘fixing’ the timeline so that you and Seven would be happy for a lifetime. She gave herself for your happiness.”

“She… she loved me? She told you that?”

“Not necessarily by what she said, but by her tone… her actions. She didn’t have to say it.”

He turned her around and brushed her cheek, feeling its sudden warmth from her confession. “Just like you; you’ve never said it.”

She took his fingers in her hands, gently kissing them. “Just like me. Remember – she is… was… me. Sometimes I think she wanted her actions to give me the kick I needed to do a little bit of history changing, too.”

He pulled her close. “But now it’s over. She’s gone, and Seven is certainly out of our lives. Now you can say it; now you can drop the charade.”

She sighed and unconsciously slipped from his embrace, locking her arms around herself. “Haven’t my actions proven it to you? What more do you need?”

“For you to prove it to yourself,” he answered. “For you to say it. Say that you’ve loved me all these years the way I’ve loved you.”

“I… I don’t know,” she fumbled, pulling away from him.

He took her chin in his hand, tilting her face upwards. “The time for your denial fantasy is over, Kathryn. Twelfth Night is over and we can take off our disguises and stop acting our foolish parts. It’s the beginning of a new year… and the rest of our lives.”

The heat of his breath seared the words into her face, demanding a response. She opened her mouth to answer only to have his lips engulf hers, filling all the emptiness of the years, sealing the promise hinted at for so long.

Finally they dared to let go of each other, to breathe, although their eyes still spoke of long-denied hunger. “For the rest of our lives?” she asked. “Maybe – just maybe –that will be long enough for me to show you how much I love you.”

He laughed gently. “You’ve always marched to the beat of a different drummer, haven’t you, Kathryn? You always pick the tune and it seems to be continually changing. I guess that’s probably what I love about you the most.”

“Oh, I’ve got some drummers you don’t even know about,” she laughed back, pulling him towards the long sofa. “And it will take a lifetime for you to get to know all of them.”

“Then let’s begin,” he said, leaning down into her waiting kiss.