Welcome aboard for our guided sight-seeing tour of Hayle. Lets start at the southern end of the town shall we, by the causeway. From here its only an short way to The Plantation. It was here that the council allowed the historic wall built by Henry Harvey to deteriorate to such a degree that a large section of it was declared dangerous. Of course this being Hayle no attempt was made to repair it, but the people of Hayle swallowed the lie that the demolition was temporary and the wall would be rebuilt. Needless to say six years on nothing has been done.  Now other parts of the wall are also beginning to cause concern, what will happen this time to you think?

Continuing down the road, on the right, now part of Jewsons is a long white building with open chequered brickwork at intervals along its length.

This is a timber store and has been in continuous use as a timber store for over 150 years though you would never guess at the historic importance of this grade II listed building from its current poor state - more on this later...

It was here that the models for the moulds were produced for some of the largest steam engines the world has ever seen.

No surprise then about the derelict state of the listed building which as a result of neglect and arson is just a crumbling shell.

The once white railings are in desperate need of a good lick of paint. And look at the supporting pier by the road and the jaunty angle it has assumed since some bright spark decided to dig a culvert directly underneath it.

It would be funny if Hayle's answer to the Leaning tower of Pisa didn't carry the main Penzance-Paddington railway across the square; still we are told the railway company are aware of the problem so we can rest assured that looks are deceptive and safety has not been compromised can't we?

They have a phrase for it in Cornish its

Pellyst ken oll ha nyns yu dyllas nessa

Look right and admire the railings forged by the artisan blacksmiths of yesteryear and note how well made they are.

So well made that they continue to stand upright(ish) despite the fact they have not had a lick of paint for many years and the support rails have rusted away.

Perhaps the council could make a few bob by renting them out to a plate spinner for the summer season!

Its a good job the suffragettes didn't come to Hayle as they would never be able to chain themselves to our railings (good job too some of our councillors would say as it saves on police resources and of course there's no firemen in Hayle to cut anyone free)

While neighbouring towns have their own leisure centres with  heated pools funded from the council tax the people of Hayle seem content to make do with an open air, unheated hole-in-the ground which volunteers have to refurbish each year with funds raised from raffles and the like - very quaint.

All around you will see huge piles of, hardcore, scrap, stone and sand and the like. From our high vantage point on the bus we can peer over the attractive wall, topped with broken glass and see vast amounts of soil being sieved by huge noisy machines - a unique seaside attraction which will surely have the crowds flocking back.

Our local sunnydims have been there smashed all of the windows, ripped out all of the fittings and even demolished the odd wall or two, and have, in the absence of any alternative, converted the building into their very own leisure centre. This stands testament to what can be achieved by a small number of local goons given the opportunity.

While we are here you might want to take a short walk to look at the beach, sorry but there's a lot less of it than there used to be. Never mind digging up and selling the sand made a few quid for someone and its better than having a load of tourists crawling all over it isn't it.

Oh yes we can see it now, Hawkins Motors is no more. They've moved to a new site on the edge of town. Gone are the rows of bright shiny cars, the flags and bunting and the bright lights. Going soon - the bright Perspex hoardings -  now its nothing more than another semi-derelict site for locals and visitors alike to enjoy.

With our x-ray specs we can see into the future; our gogs flash between two scenarios to predict that either the buildings will have huge sheets of chipboard  put up to cover the large glass windows advertising the fact the premises are empty. In no time at all the local intelligencia will move in and start to work, smashing and ripping up anything they can get their hands on. Not to worry though, the car park is likely to be put to good use, no doubt some entrepreneur will work out that its better do dump unwanted, untaxed and  untested bangers on the forecourt rather than drive them to the scrapyard where he may have to part with some of his money.

The second scenario would be that Hawkins don't bother with the boarding up, hastening the above activities! and then just demolish the whole lot leaving it to look like a bomb site.

It has been partially covered with a tarpaulin but this only goes part-way down the roof at the back allowing the wind and rain in so it probably won't be long before last orders are called.

The derelict site is not only a draw for sightseers but has also been identified as an 'arson risk site' by the fire brigade. Anyone concerned that any future pyrotechnic display would be cut short need not panic however, as it will be well alight before a fire engine from Camborne could get to the scene.

The old building has the boarded up windows that seem to be a familiar architectural feature of many local buildings. It closed last year because it didn't have a staff toilet, (no one thought about a portaloo I suppose), the building now overlooks the now disused putting green and swing-boats which were enjoyed by many.

Not to worry though as developers are rapidly building lots of multi-story houses/flats within a few feet of it so that it will soon be hidden from view and probably declared dangerous and have to be pulled down.

Here ends our tour, we hope you have enjoyed it and will come again... but you probably won't, why would you?

Some of you are no doubt saying OK, we all like a laugh but 'Why don't you do something about the state of Hayle instead of moaning about it?'

Believe me I have tried. I have wasted many hours going to town council meetings over the last 12 months urging them to do something and suggesting practical things which could be done. The last time I went  asked them if they would write as a council to Jewsons, making a request that they tidy up and re-paint the historic timber store (see above), as its one of the first buildings anyone sees when entering the town. After some muttering they eventually agreed to put my request on the agenda for another meeting - that was weeks ago and you can bet that they have done nothing.

It seems to me that some town councillors only go to council meetings to fuel their own sense of self importance. They just like to hear the sound of their own name with the word 'Councillor' put in front. They cackle away to each other, councillor this... councillor that... madam this... madam that...  and each time their own name is mentioned you can almost see some of them puff-up a little more like a blow-up doll (only less useful). Many of them pride themselves in having been a councillor for years - decades in some cases but when it comes down to it they have not achieved anything at all for our town.

They say all good things come to those who wait. almost 30 years have passed this town by... we are fed up with waiting.