Title: War: Merc: Nicolas de Bribeant (01/02) Date/Time: Wednesday, various times after Merc: How Do We Do This? By: Ann, Ligeia, Mildred, Liz, Shadowstar, Rose, and Bast (in order of appearance) Ann sat in a cozy corner in her bribe-gotten room in Merc Central. Gazing forlornly at the studying she really needed to complete at some point in the near future, she tapped her pen against her nose and looked back down at the Mercly poem she was attempting to write. If Uncle LaCroix was a Merc, He wouldn't be quite such a jerk-- He could bribe his old bud To drink human blood And no more his true nature shirk. 'Hmm,' thought Ann. 'The last line's pretty unclear. Is the antecedent LaCroix or Nick? I was really hoping to convey Nick there.' She flipped the page of her pad and began anew. There once was a dead guy named Nick Who thought vampirism was sick "How I long to return "To the days of sunburn "When I wasn't impaled by this stick." "That's depressing," she said aloud. "It has nothing to do with the Mercly poem I was trying to write, and it makes me want to sniffle." Bending her head and flipping another page, she tried once more. It's hard to be LaCroix's enfant But there are a few things he does want If Nick gives him these Then he'll leave Nick in peace That's why he's called Nic'las de Bribeant "Much better," Ann sighed, relieved. She smiled as she heard another Merc accosting the House Mommy in the hallway, attempting to bribe her. Ann was glad she had already bribed the relevant Mercs; now she could write bad poetry in her own little cubbyhole without fear of eviction. ********** "Oh, MercMommy!" Ligeia called after Mildred's retreating back. Mildred stopped. "Do we owe Liz rent this time? Last War, I just lived in the trailer in the parking garage rent-free..." Ligeia's hand went to her mouth as she realized that she had sealed her fate as soon as the word "free" escaped her lips. Mildred smiled mercenarily. "Well, you'll have to talk to HouseMommy Liz about that, but you'll definitely be owing me a bribe if you and the Professional want to use the computer lab." Ligeia brightened, as the Pro shouldered her out of the way. In his hand was a small square of brown cloth. He handed it to Mildred. "It's a great computer lab--I found the picture that I needed for this on the internet, so making it for you was a snap. It only took a couple of hours." Mildred unfolded the anti-tarnish cloth. Inside was a large silver pin in the shape of the flying raven silhouette so familiar to FK fans. "Ligeia gave me trouble when I wanted to take my jewellers' saw and some other supplies with me when we left for Lethbridge a couple days ago," he said, fixing a steely gaze on his wife, "but I hope you will accept this poor token of my skill. I know you're not a Ravenette, but the letters FK just didn't inspire me as much." "Poor skill? You should see the travesty I made the last time I held a jeweler's saw. Accepted." The bribe seemed to have already had a soothing effect on the Merc, because she offered some advice. "I don't think that Liz will require very much in rent, since you're not using much in the way of HQ living facilities--" "Just water, electricity, and sewer", Ligeia interjected. "--but I heard that she is desperately needing decaf beverages. I don't suppose you have anything like that with you." Now it was Ligeia's turn to grin meaningfully at her spouse. "Well, I think we just might be able to help out there," she mused. "Which do you think she'd prefer--decaf Earl Grey tea, or decaffeinated diet pop, er, I mean soda? I always make sure we have a good supply when we travel, I haven't been able to drink caffeinated beverages myself for years." "I'm not sure on that. I've been sticking to mostly water so far. You'd have to ask her..." Mildred smiled again at the pin in her hand then looked at Ligiea. "Next time, let him bring whatever equipment he wants, as long as you have the room for it." **** "Psst, Liz--over here!" Ligeia hissed from a darkened doorway. She drew Liz into the walk-in closet of a currently-unoccupied Merc House bedroom. "Listen, Liz, the Professional and I feel that we really should pay you something for the use of the facilities down there in the parking garage. Without access to water, electricity, and sewer, we wouldn't be able to stay in our little RV down there for more than a couple of days. Of course, we shouldn't have to pay as much as those other mercs, the ones using the bedrooms and the kitchen." Liz nodded in reluctant agreement. "But we pay our debts. Here are four skeins of Briggs & Little wool, which we bought at their mill in New Brunswick. (www.briggsandlittle.com) Jeff, er, The Professional, used to use it for finger weaving. Then he discovered tablet weaving a couple of years ago, and now we're drowning in the stuff. I think he's afraid that, after 140 years, their factory is due to shut down any minute. Anyway, there are two skeins each of two-ply and three-ply. I didn't know which colour you'd like better, indigo or scarlet, so I brought both." Ligeia handed the four skeins of wool to Liz, who stroked them while she admired the way they were done up in traditional loose skein twists rather than modern tightly-wound balls. "Anyway, Liz, I hope these are okay. Either way, don't mention it to The Pro, okay? He's had something on his mind ever since I told him about the Merc Mommy-General's impending court-martial, and I don't think it's wise to interrupt him when he's thinking so hard." Liz quickly deduced that Ligeia had purloined the wool from Jeff's personal stash, and there would be heck to pay once he found it missing. Being a mercenary, this didn't bother her conscience in the slightest, at least not while she had that wonderful pure wool yarn in her hands. "I think these will do just fine," Liz practically purred. "Hello my darlings, what would you like to be?," she then asked the yarn as she headed back to her room. "Scarfs, socks, a sweater.... I know how about a nice shrug....." "Okay, whatever you say, Liz. But please, don't let the Pro see that wool just yet, okay?" Title: War: Merc: Nicolas de Bribeant (02/02) Date/Time: Wednesday, various times after Merc: How Do We Do This? By: Ann, Ligeia, Mildred, Liz, Shadowstar, Rose, and Bast (in order of appearance) Shadowstar hung upside down and tried to plan what to do. She'd spent the day working on a special sculpture for War use, but no jobs had turned up and she was bored. "Letssee... bribed Mildred to use the computer lab... Libby to borrow five ratsies to make a commercial... Liz for a bedroom and use of the kitchen... Dang!" she snapped her fingers and turned right side up. "I forgot the extra bribe to get a workroom! I can't be sculpting in my bedroom forever." Shadowstar got up and started rummaging in her suitcase. She had plenty of shiney-pretties to bribe RatPackers, and lots of leftovers from her textiles class to bribe Mildred. Where was it? She was sure that she'd packed it... "Eureka!" she exclaimed as she grabbed a package. Shadowstar hurried out of the room and found Liz in her room, knitting. "Oh, House Mommy!" she caroled. "I need a workroom so I don't mess up the common areas, so I've got a *present* for you." She handed over the package and tried to stay still. Not succeeding, she started turning cartwheels just for fun. Liz opened the brown paper wrapping to revel hand-spun, hand-dyed yarn in an array of brilliant colors on a bed of more hand-dyed cloth. "Will that work?" Shadowstar asked, flipping to her feet. "Oh yes, this definitely works," Liz answered, gathering the yarn in her arms. "Thankyouthankyouthankyou!" Shadowstar called as she bounced out of the room. "Gonna go carve on my sculpture!" Liz watched her leave then fingered the soft wool yarn. It was a good day for bribes. ********** Ann was smiling at her fortune of bribing Liz so easily. Only doing the dishes? No problem! Her smile faded a little as she saw the pile that had so quickly appeared in the sink as the other Mercs heard that there was now an official dishwasher. Rolling up her sleeves, she filled the sink with suds and started at it. Meg walked by, munching on some food and yelling for Katie. Bast's babies streaked past her ankles in an attempt to break the sound barrier. Liz came and put another plate on the pile. Ann became aware of a low roar. It sounded like a vacuum cleaner. The sound got louder, and Rose turned the corner, pushing a (you guessed it!) vacuum cleaner. "What are you doing?" Ann yelled over the noise. "WHAT?" Rose yelled back. "WHAT are you DOING?" "WHAT?!" Rose realized what was going on and turned off the vacuum. "WHAT DID, oh, sorry, what did you say?" "What are you doing?" Ann asked in a normal tone. "I'm vaccuming." Rose answered and looked at Ann blankly. There was a long pause. "Yes, but..." Ann stared at the vacuum. "Why?" Rose shrugged. "You're doing dishes, I offered to vacuum. I like vaccuming, it's kinda...calming. Like Zen, only louder." Ann shrugged. To each their own oddities. "Ok." Shuffling the vacuum around, Rose nodded to Ann. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get the hallway." The roar came to life again, and Rose wandered off, singing a song loudly now, so that she could hear herself over the noise. "People are strange, when you're a stranger!" Ann turned back to the full sink. ********** Humming to herself Bast wandered around Merc Central looking for Liz so she could bribe her for the extra large room she snagged on arrival. Ankh was conveniently draped over her shoulders as she searched. "I wonder where Liz has got to? You haven't seen her have you Ankh?" she scratched Ankh's head as she talked, the purring in her ear intensified. Seeing Liz in the hallway she called out to her "Oh House Mommy! I got your bribe for my rent!!" Liz turned around and waited for Bast to catch up. Bast gave her a sly grin and reached into her Bag of Holding Impossible and Improbable Things and pulled out a fabric bundle. Handing it to the House Mommy she said "I think I have one skein of every jewel tone in there for you. It's 100% cashmere. If you need any more let me know, we can work something out." After handing the bundle over, Bast again reached in to the Bag and pulled out a miniature treasure chest. "Here, I'm adding this to the bribe cause I snagged a really large room for me and the cats." Liz opened the chest to see to medium sized statues of Bast and Sehkmet. Both were carved out of onyx with gold accents. "I figured you didn't have any statues like these two." Liz looked at the statues and the chest with a puzzled look on her face. "It doesn't seem like those two statues could fit in that chest. But I did see you open it." Liz looked at Bast quizzically. "I haven't figured out how they actually do that, but they will hold MUCH more than what they should. I found them at a little shop that I've never been able to find again. I thought they were cute so I snatched up all the ones the shop had for a song! He made some mention about sapient pearwood." Bast shrugged. "Sapient pearwood?" Liz raised an eyebrow. "There wasn't a guy named Twoflower at that store, was there?" Bast thought for a moment. "There was another person in the shop who was incredibly cheery, always looking at the bright side of things, sort of annoying actually. Never heard his name though. Why?" She waited for a minute while Liz checked out the bribe to see if it met with her expectations. "So, do I get to keep my room?" "No reason," the redhead shrugged. "The room's yours." "Sweet! Thanks!" As Liz was leaving with her well gotten booty, Bast remembered she'd forgotten something. "Oh wait! I almost forgot to give you the key!" As she walked up to Liz she tried to get the silver necklace with the key on it off of her neck. Ankh was NOT helping. "Ankh! This is NOT a cat toy! You have enough of those! Sheesh!" She finally managed to get the key from around her neck and disintangle Ankh's paws from it and hand it to Liz. "OK I'm gonna go play some crack now... erm I mean online video games. Call me if you need me!" Bast wandered off talking to herself. "Hmmm maybe I should stock up on caffeine first. Yeah that's a good idea!" Bast changed course and set off for the kitchen. ===== Ann Towson surpassingallotherkings@yahoo.com