War: Merc: Here Comes the Bribe (01/02) Date/Time: Wednesday morning, the day after Merc/RP: Now, How Do We Do This? Location: Merc Central By: Ann Towson, Rose, Shadowstar, Meg, Bast, and Mildred Everyone used by permission "Hi, M-G!" A cheerful voice bubbled into the computer lab, soon followed by a Merc. The identity of the Merc was not immediately obvious, laden as she was with physics and chemistry textbooks, Pritchard's Ancient Near Eastern Texts, a separate book containing the Epic of Gilgamesh, three different editions of Standard Mathematical Tables, a complete collection of Sherlock Holmes mysteries ("Run, Doyle! Never come back to the Baskervilles again!"), a Zane Grey western novel, several back issues of Discover magazine, and a few suspiciously-wrapped packages. Mildred, Merc Mommy General, spun away from her computer, brandishing a carrot at the mysterious intruder. "Don't startle me; I'm dangerous! Ah, hello, Ann," she continued as the visitor set her stack of books down on a chair. "Er... did you raid a bookstore in the dark?" "What makes you say that?" Ann asked obliviously. "Oh, I just stopped by to bribe you into letting me computerize here. Here, I brought you cards." "Cards?" Mildred looked askance at the package. "Two things. One, I have a card program on the computers; why would I want analog cards? Two, that doesn't look like any deck of cards I've ever seen before." "Er, not that kind of cards. Open it." Mildred did so and found that the questionable wrapping job was covering wool cards, used to card wool. "Yes, yes, that'll do," the Mommy General replied absently, typing marvelously fast on her keyboard. "Et voila, you have access for the remainder of the War." "Oh, good," Ann replied, sitting down at a computer. "I wonder if anyone's tried to hire me yet? I'm willing to drive people around, be a bit character, write posts, and do generic mayhem at very reasonable rates. I'll bet there's a job waiting for me already!" "Uh, Ann," Mildred interjected, "you might as well just ask me. All the jobs come through me." "So *that* is what you said at the meeting while I was distracted by the ratsie in scrubs!" Mildred sighed quietly. **** A small throng had formed around Merc House Mommy Liz the Lucky, all bent on bribing her by way of rent. Amidst the clamor, Ann pondered what she could use for a bribe. She'd lit on the idea of using her housing stipend from the university to buy books, so she had to think of something else. Besides, rent money was so cliche. Ann thought and thought. What sort of immense personal sacrifice didn't cost anything? Suddenly, she realized what she would offer. "I'll, I'll," she faltered. Gathering up her courage, she burst out, "I'll do the dishes!" ********** Rose sat on her bed staring at her suitcase. She was just a newbie! What in the world was she going to bribe Mildred with?! A little orange ball rolled by, bumped into a wall, and rolled away. Keeping Sohma in the ball was the only way Rose could think of making sure she had her rat at the *end* of the war. Libs' call was a powerful one. Finally, she plopped Sohma onto her shoulder and wandered into the computer room. Ann looked in surpize at the first rat she had seen without scrubs. Midred was at a computer, a fixed _expression on her face. Rose shuffled her feet and cleared her throat. She was ignored. Rose tried a last desperate attempt to think of something creative to bribe the Merc Mommy General. Nope, just not feeling creative. "Ok Mildred." Rose burst out. The merc mommy, who had been oblivious to Rose's presence screeched. "What are you trying to do, give me a heart attack?!" "Um, no, actually, but would that get me computer access?" "NO!" "I actually came down to throw myself on your mercy." There were snickers heard. Rose continued. "I'm new to all this. Is there any way I can offer manual labor? You pick the service, I'll do it?" Mildred glared at her. "After startling me like that, you don't even have a decent bribe?! Forget it! No computer access at all for you!" "But..." "OUT!" Rose sighed and shuffled out. As soon as she left the door, sher perked up, a mischevious look on her face. She just needed a little time, and all would be in her favor. ********** Shadowstar dug through her suitcase and grinned as she found the brown paper-wrapped bundle she'd been looking for. She was thankful that she'd packed it; she somehow known that it would come in handy. She picked it up, tucked it under her arm, and headed towards the computer lab. Shadowstar knocked on the door lightly and entered. "Oh Merc-Mommy General," she sang. "I've got something for you!" Mildred looked up from the llama wool she'd been carding. "Hrm? What is it?" Shadowstar handed her the package, then turned upside down again. "A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer in your pants," she said as she took a step then pitched forward, almost tripping herself with her thick, hip-length braid. She caught herself. "It used to be white," she said cheerfully. "I dyed it myself." Mildred opened the package and looked appreciatively at the gorgeous shibori fabric in it. She unfolded the fabric to see indigo tiger stripes interspersed with splashes of bright, rainbow colors. She glanced back at Shadowstar. "This is beautiful, but tell me one thing; why is it whenever I see you lately, you turn upside down?" Shadowstar grinned at her. "It's just the world is more interesting this way. You should try it! It's also easier to think this way, 'cause all the blood rushes to your head. And I've never see a vampire try and snack on somebody who's upside down." She turned herself right-side up and sat cross-legged on the floor. "So did my bribe work? Do I get computer access?" A huge grin spread over Mildred's face. "Hell yeah, Shadow. But if you want to stay here, you'd better find something for Liz." Shadowstar stood up in a fluid motion and grinned mischievously. "I've got just the thing," she said. "See you later Millie!" She turned and headed out the door. A look of disgust slid over Mildred's face. "For official purposes, my name is *Mildred*," she called after Shadowstar's retreating form. ********** War: Merc: Here Comes the Bribe (02/02) Date/Time: Wednesday morning, the day after Merc/RP: Now, How Do We Do This? Location: Merc Central By: Ann Towson, Rose, Shadowstar, Meg, Bast, and Mildred Everyone used by permission *munch-munch-munch* Mildred looked up to see a tall, skinny girl wander through the library, a familiar yellow box tucked under one arm and munching on a small brown square. "Are those Triscuits(tm)?" she asked. Meg blinked at her, then down at the box, as though coming out of a daze. "Yeah. Want some?" "Sure!" Mildred helped herself to a small handful. Meg blinked at her again, then smiled brightly, an idea hitting her. "You want some cheese to put on those?" "Of course." "Hold this." She handed Mildred the box and began rummaging in the pockets of her jeans. To Mildred's great surprise, she managed to produce three small rounds of cheese. "I have Gouda, Munster, and..." she examined the label of the third round, "some kind of anonymous smoked european cheese. That's the best." "Actually, that looks more like Tomme de chevre des Pyrenees... a slightly aged French goat cheese for those occasional indulgences. Give that here." "That one," Mildred pointed. "Here," Meg said, handing her the cheese and a folding knife pulled from her back pocket. The other two rounds disappeared back into her pockets. "So, ah, how many boxes to a bribe?" Mildred glanced up. "Huh?" "If I supply you with Triscuits(tm) the whole war, do I get to use the computer lab? I have Original, Reduced Fat, Roasted Garlic, Cheddar, Rye, Garden Herb, and Rosemary & Olive Oil." "You actually *brought* all of those?" Meg shrugged. "I didn't know if I'd be able to buy any in Canada. And of course I brought my own cheese, only the best. And some very tasty dips from a good deli I know. That's why I had Katie steal the mini-fridge." Meg looked very pleased with herself. Mildred shook her head. Well, a Merc was entitled to her obsession. "Sure, OK. Consider me bribed." Meg grinned. "Cool. Just tell me when that box runs out." As Meg walked away, Mildred realized that the young woman was still going *munch-munch-much*. When Meg turned to open the door, Mildred saw that she had a new box of Triscuits(tm) tucked under her arm. she wondered. ********** Walking back to her room, with a cat lounging over her shoulders and the other in her arms, Bast pondered over what she could use for bribes. Once she got back to her room Sorcha jumped from her arms, Ankh on the other hand liked where she was perched and stayed purring loudly in Bast's ear. Bast walked over to her Bag of Holding Impossible and Improbable Things. She placed the bag on the bed and started rummaging through it. She decided to think about the bribe while she got the cats and her stuff settled in. A half an hour later everyone was settled in and she still had no idea what she could use for a bribe. "Well, do YOU guys have any ideas?" They both looked at her like she was overlooking the obvious. Both cats stuck their heads in the Bag and came out with catnip toys. A muffed "Murr-ow" came in stereo as they looked at her. Bast chuckled "I don't think they like catnip as much as you two! hmmmm catnip DOES make a very tasty and relaxing tea.... I'm sure the House Mommy will need a little relaxing before this war is over. Thanks for the idea!" She scritched both cats while they looked smug. OK, a nice selection of blended herbal teas and an exotic tea or two, that should be good for room and board for us, now what to do for computer access. Bast pondered on one bribe while she worked on creating the blends for the other. She had pulled out the 10 foot table and numerous jars of herbs and teas from the Bag. "That's it! I know what else to use for the bribes." She dug around and pulled out her special Piratical Truffles. They had very few calories, she was quite proud of being able to find the special ingredients for these. She also had something else for the Merc Mommy General. Something very special. ___________________________________________________________ A short time later Bast had found Mildred and handed her miniature treasure chest with the truffles inside. "I know you said you didn't want chocolate, but those are non caffeine with very little calories. Less than a quarter of a real truffle. If that's not good enough I do have something else." She handed over a bundle wrapped in fabric. When Mildred unwrapped the fabric she found three skeins of spun cashmere dyed to a brilliant shade of royal purple. "I have a couple of other colors if you want something else. So, do I get computer access?" Bast asked. Mildred chuckled. "Well, I didn't say I'd sworn off of chocolate... Gods, that would be like me turning into a Knightie! As long as it's not artificially sweetened, I'd like to try them." She grinned at the little pirate chest. "I want the box, even if the truffles are artifically sweetened." "EWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!" Bast looked at the Merc Mommy General as if she had just turned into LaCroix wearing a screaming pink Hello Kitty costume. "Never!!!" Then the Merc Mommy General sighed and wiggled a little in her seat as she touched the cashmere. "And the cashmere definitely sets the deal, if you add a royal blue and forest green to these 3 skeins. If the truffles have artifical sweetners, make it 3 skeins blue, 3 skeins green, added to the 3 skeins purple and the pirate chest." Bast grinned as she reached into the Bag and pulled out a skein of royal blue and forest green and handed them to the Merc Mommy General. She then reached up and took the silver necklace off. Hanging from it was a little key. She handed the necklace and key to Mildred. "I thought you would like that chest. I would never ever blaspheme and use anything unnatural in my truffles. For computer access you can have both. I'm an addict I admit it. Well, that and I will get as many people as possible hooked on my Piratical Truffles as I can! My friends would shoot me if I change a thing about them! A friend of mine owns a plantation that grows the BEST chocolate. He hooks me up with some really good stuff. He said this stuff comes from skinny trees or something. All I know is I had it tested in a lab and it has hardly any calories in it. Works for me, just means I can eat more of the stuff! I'm gonna go see if I can find Liz." As Bast was leaving she stopped and said "Oh yeah, Mildred? Just so you know that chest is like my Bag of Holding Impossible and Improbable Things, it will hold much more than it looks like. Just in case you need to hide something or whatever. Figured I might want to warn you." **********