WAR: UF: Bright and Jovial Among Our Guests Tonight (1/2) Date & Time: November, 9-10, 2004; 5pm to 2am Location: The Hive, UF Headquarters By: A Hodgepodge of UFfers and even some Mercs. "Honestly,' Les muttered under his breath, "something has to be done about the Hive's pipes." He unwrapped another bar of Wild Heaven Farm's Honey & Oatmeal Goat's Milk Soap, enjoying the warm and sweet mingled scents of oatmeal and honey. (Mary had assured them that, despite a goat's, well , goatish reputation, any soap produced with goats' milk really had no hidden, untoward goat-pheromones. So it was completely safe to use in a PG- 13 rated venue, such as a FK-FIC War.) He set the creamy white bar in the black marble soap dish, pleased by the dramatic color contrast. This was the third guest bathroom he had stocked with the WHFH&OGM soap. And while he was happy to see that the repair job done to this sink after War 9 was holding up well, he was a tad concerned about the cacophony that frequently arose from the pipes every time he stepped into one of the Hive's bathrooms. Admittedly, those pipes had been laid in during the Roaring 20s, but still, one didn't expect to hear soft moans evocative of a lost soul arising from one's plumbing. He hoped none of their guests would find it particularly off-putting. As Les busied himself with tidying and stocking the bathrooms (a task for which he had volunteered, knowing he could be spending a lot of time in them if Lacroix did show up at the party), other UFfers too were swarming industriously about the Hive. As they had only been in residence a couple days, there wasn't a whole lot of cleaning up to do. (The Don's people kept the mansion dusted and waxed during peace time.) However, there was a bar to stock and food to order or make. Mercs were coming, so a *lot* of chocolate had to be stocked, just to make sure that guests other than the Mercs got at least a taste. There was quite a bit of jittery excitement that, besides their guest of honor, Janette, that there were going to be a number of other vampires there. Including the Guys. In the same house. Together. Maybe even in the same room. At the same time. They might even... converse. Uffish nerves tingled at the thought. ~~~ "I ... can't ... breathe!" Zeph panted. "Good," Tamara grunted, and gave another mighty yank to the laces of the black damask corset. "If you can breathe, it's not *tight* enough." She stepped back to admire her handiwork. Zeph had stopped gasping for air, but seemed to be in danger of losing consciousness. "Um ... on second thought ..." Tamara murmured, and quickly undid the lacings. Revived by an adequate supply of oxygen, Zeph tossed the corset back into the overflowing suitcase. "Got anything else?" she asked. "Anything that isn't *painful*, I mean." Tamara held up a sleeveless, black 'sixties style cocktail dress. "It's really quite comfortable." she said reassuringly. "Well ..." Zeph said thoughtfully. "Sure. I'll try it." "Unless you'd rather wear the black velvet Sarong of Doom, with the amazing cleavage-enhancing properties." "The one you're always trying to get Nancy to wear?" Zeph asked. "No thanks." Zeph emerged from the dressing-room annex, and did a little spin for Tamara. The dress fit her perfectly. The square-cut neckline was alluring without being immodest, and the hemline just brushed her knees. "It's so Breakfast at Tiffiny's!" Tamara said happily, handing Zeph a pair of sparkling earrings "Let's put your hair up in a French Twist!" "Shouldn't you start getting ready for the party?" Zeph asked, clutching her long hair protectively. "You don't want to be late." she added, pointing at the bedside table clock. Tamara made a sound of dismay, and Zeph made her escape. ~~~ The doorbell chimed. They were here. "Mais oui," she thought, as she swept across the threshold into the receiving room, Miklos and Alma in attendance. The 1920s had proven to be a wonderful decade for style, and Don Constantine had stinted in no expense in architect or materials in the construction of the mansion to become the Hive. The Oooffers had constructed a coffee and alcohol bar into this receiving area. Two large images posted over the bar managed to ignore *her* relationship to the two males so vital to the Oooffers outlook on the vampiric world. Her lips curved with an amusement that rose from deep within her. Centuries old, and it had been only in the last few years when she had come to understand that her life belonged to her and to no one else, male or female. Smiling coolly, she moved forward to meet her hosts. ~~~ "Intense," thought Les. And that was about it. No real words squeezed from his brain after that, for about 60 seconds. Nor was any other mortal particularly cogent during that time period. Janette had spotted Nick who had spotted her while Lacroix has spotted them both and then they both turned their gazes upon Lacroix, and really, what mortal knew what had been communicated between them. As soon as he could breathe, he made a dash for the loo. ~~~ It was unusual not to be at the Raven for the opening party, Mildred thought as they drove up to the Hive in the MercMobile. But she was determined to make the best of it. As soon as the Mercs got in, she had to field some questions about Laurie. Yes they were expecting her, but she hadn't gotten in yet. Yes, Mildred could take job offers in the meantime. Then the Mercs spread out. Ann set out to grab not only chocolate, but all the loose honey sticks she could find. Meg was amused by her sister Rose's antics, while trying to watch out for Katie, and making sure she didn't fall off the walls that she was climbing. Rose was indulging freely in the free chocolate, and pocketing some of it for later. Then Meg watched as her sister bounced off a wall and almost collided into Katie. Meg wasn't immune to the call of chocolate either, and had a hard time convincing herself that she didn't want anymore. Liz was looking around for the llama who was around last War, while Eve wasn't sure if she needed to avoid Julia (after having left the UF leader at the CN tower in a Raggedy Ann outfit during the last War on a job). And to all of the War veterans' shock, Mildred (who did look slimmer than she did during the last War), was hanging out by the veggie and fruit trays with a bottle of water containing a floating lemon wedge. And not the chocolate and desert table. ~~~ "Sounds like things are really getting started downstairs," said Susan, coming out of the bathroom, looking in the mirror while adjusting her outfit. April turned around. Susan was wearing a black flared skirt with a mock tuxedo t-shirt and sneakers and pink and white sneakers with heels and long dangling earrings. "That's what you're wearing?" April asked, incredulous. "Yeah, I thought I would wear semi-formal." April just shook her head as she finished stepping into her formal black gown. "Do me a favor? Help me with this back top zipper? I can't reach it." "Sure, bud," said Susan, grabbing a chair to reach up to her tall friend. As Susan helped, April noticed a certain "aroma" emanating from her petite bud. "Er, what is that smell?" "My new cologne! I made it myself from one of those do-it- yourself kits!" she announced proudly. "I call it "Love In Moonlight." Like it? I could spray you with some, made at least a gallon!" April really didn't want to hurt her friends feelings by saying it smelled more like "Road Kill # 9." She replied quickly, "Gee, you know, I would love some, but I brought my own." "Oh, okay, but if you change your mind the rest is in the refrigerator!" "The refrigerator?" April thought. As April was about to inquire, Susan announced that her friend was all set. "Okay, lets go to the party and have some fun!" Susan said hopping down from the chair. April went downstairs fast, trying to keep upwind of her bud. ~~~ Zeph, Nancy and April elbowed their way through the crowd of Miklos' admirers, in an attempt to get something, anything in the way of liquid refreshment. "Pssst!" Nancy hissed into Caro's ear. "There's an unguarded dish of chocolate-covered espresso beans on that end table over there." This intelligence had no effect whatsoever on the woman in the long red Japanese tea dress. She and the other two elegantly clad DPs continued to monopolize the bartender. April decided that stronger measures were needed. She told Miklos in no uncertain terms that the only reason he was invited to this party in the first place was to tend bar, not preside over a fan club meeting. "Or would you rather help out in the kitchen washing glasses?" April added sweetly, then turned to her companions. "I think Miklos is ready to take our drink orders, ladies." Tamara materialized beside Zeph, gazing over the heads of the assembled guests. "Are the Vaqs here yet?" she asked worriedly. "I can't see any of the Vaqs!" "Relax." Zeph told her. "They'll show. Probably." At Tamara's stricken look, April hastened to assure her that the Vaqs would, no doubt, arrive very soon. "Why are you worried about them, anyway?" she asked. "Well, I haven't seen Cloud or Tab since-" "Perhaps it's a certain vampire of the Spanish persuasion you're anxious to see," Nancy cut in. "Well, now that you mention it ..." Tamara admitted. "Ha!" Nancy said, then turned to Zeph. "She likes his *eyelashes*, for Pete's sake." Continued in part 2 WAR: UF: Bright and Jovial Among Our Guests Tonight (2/2) Date & Time: November, 9-10, 2004; 5pm to 2am Location: The Hive, UF Headquarters By: A Hodgepodge of UFfers. Danii was sticking to the sidelines, cleaning up the mess from the party as best she could in an attempt to help out. She'd never been to Toronto and didn't know most of the people at the Hive very well, let alone the plethora of people that had descended upon their headquarters, so she was doing her best to help on the sidelines, although with Miklos working the bar, things, on the alcohol front, at least, were going very well. The gigantic sweater she'd decided on was a bit of a hassle, but at least she was warm; Toronto had turned out colder than she'd thought. She made the mistake of saying that to Julia, who dragged herself by, her hands wrapped around a hot mulled cider. "Of course it's cold in Ontario in November!," croaked the irate host of the party. "At least we're inside, where it's warm. Too bad vampires don't give off body heat, though." Julia looked at Danii, and saw her bemusement. "I'm sorry. It's the virus talking. It is nice to be back at The Hive, with the UFfers and 'the family'." She looked around, taking in Nick, Janette, and Lacroix. "Yes, I never thought I'd get to actually be in the same room with them," said Danii. "Why don't you go and talk to them?" "What?! I couldn't!" "Well, I leave it up to you. After all, Les manages to avoid coming face-to-face with Lacroix at these get- togethers by the most sophisticated of means." "What does he do?" "Les? Oh, he dives into the nearest bathroom. Speaking of which, excuse me..." Julia walked off, slightly unsteadily, but with a determination that made it clear that this was not a well woman. Danii heard the splash of a drink being dropped and made her way over to start cleaning up with her army-o-napkins, but then she saw the source of the spill and nearly had a heart attack. It was Nick. It was Nick and Janette and they were standing next to one another and Nick had just spilled a bit of his drink and it didn't even occur to her that she'd be mopping up bovine blood because she was too busy considering that it was *Nick and Janette*. God, she thought, I've had a crush on that man since I was *9* and Janette's just...*Janette*. "No. No. No! I'm an UFer... in a War... not a fangirl!" she muttered to herself as she reached over to whatever level surface was holding her faithful White Russian at the moment. One fortifying drink later, she was repeating the words like a mantra: "Not a fangirl... not a fangirl... not a fangirl." She looked up and spotting Portia working behind the bar, ran over as if her life depended on it. She leaned across the polished wood to grasp Portia by the wrist. "I'm not a fangirl, am I? Am I?" Portia, as one does in situations like this when oddly dressed desperate college students grab you and ask you bizarre questions, shook her head and smiled in a "please let go of me so I can step away and not call the authorities" sort of way. The silent answer seemed to placate Danii, so she let go a moment later and wandered off, looking somewhat dazed and repeating the mantra over and over, her eyes occasionally drifting over to the pair of vampires that had set off the insanity. Portia watched her go, then shook her head, smiling wryly. Only a couple days into the War and already Danii was looking a little shell-shocked. Then a guest requested a scotch on the rocks. To access the liquor, she had to step around Miklos, who had been quite helpful at the beginning of the party. Lately, though, he'd been standing there, kind of in the way, jacketless, making goo-goo eyes with the green velvet clad Kimmer. Portia's smile grew wider. Judging by how dilated Kimmer's pupils were, at least one of their guests was having a good time. ~~~ Several UFfers passed by Zeph, who sat looking stunning, but a bit stunned, in one of the plush chairs, discovering she was still a bit fatigued from herding the Unnamed opening post together. As UFfers would pass by her, they'd offer their appreciation. "Great job, Zeph!" "Thanks, Zeph. You did good. Here, have a drink. Or ... should I make that an aspirin? Take two, they're small." Bons swayed by in her Southern Belle ensemble and gently inquired, "Does Julia still have her Valium lick? Perhaps she'd consider sharing." ~~~ "Oh, please," Amanda whispered to herself, "don't let him bend over, don't let him bend over." Casting a flinching gaze at the ominously flapping closure in the back of Screed's hospital gown, she hurried toward the kitchen. Surely there was some hostly function she could find to do there that would keep her out of the main room for a period of time. There was a slight press of UFfers at the kitchen door, all eager to enter and find something helpful to do, right this very minute. "Is that a giant rat on his head?" Jarvinia asked. "I think it's an opossum," Desiree replied. "Is it alive?" "Well, it's moving." "I'm not sure that proves squat." "Oh, please, don't! The word 'squat' calls up horrific images at the moment." ~~~ Cousin Luc, in her best black-leather pants and unusually high heels staggered across the dimly lit Hive to see if she stumbled across someone she knew. Suddenly all the other Uffers seemed to have vanished into thin air. "Great," she thought, "my first war and no one to talk to." She was on the verge of sliding into a severe depression (as she was apt to in her secret alternate identity as a Dark Knightie) when she spotted Lorin at the bar. "Man, Lorin, am I glad to see you! Where have all the others gone?" "I don't know about everyone else, but Portia just went down to the wine cellar. And Julia and Les are in the bathroom. Believe me, you don't wanna know." "I believe you. What's for drinks?" "I'm having Scotch. Is there any other drink that's acceptable, I ask you?" "No, I think I like that philosophy of yours. I'll have a double," she called to the dark-haired vampire tending bar. She asked again and then a third time, and he finally deigned to interrupt his conversation with a woman in green velvet. "Lorin, to a successful war." "Cheers!" the other responded. ~~~ Julia tried the door of the bathroom. Locked. "Go away. Occupado." "Les? Is that you? Let me in. This is serious." "Are you being chased by a vampire?" "No, but you don't want to know what my lower intestines are being chased by. LET ME IN!" The door opened, ever so slightly. "I promise Lacroix isn't behind me." After a pause, the pressure on the door was lifted, and Julia opened the door wide. "Thanks. You can stand in the shower stall and close the door, if you can't bear leaving." Julia had to admit she enjoyed watching Les's distress. After all, if Julia was suffering, she felt it only right and proper that someone, if not everyone, else should also be suffering. The Gentle Reader shall be spared the details of Julia's physical distress. We may be the UF, but we attempt to be polite. "So why did you come, if you're so unwell, and had no intention of tromping through the woods looking at cold rocks, anyway?" asked Les. "Why do we War? That's simple. One, to be with my friends, like you; two, to try and get written into Patt's Bar Fight; and three, to get into the Quote List. How about you? Why do you come here, all the way from San Diego, just to avoid Lacroix?" "Um, well, I come here because I'm an UFfer and we're not known for our good sense. And I avoid Lacroix because I drove a motorcycle over his foot in War 7." "You do realize, don't you, that you are the only person now Warring who remembers that event?" "Well, person, yes, but Lacroix isn't a person. He remembers everything." ~~~ Luc surveyed the room, noticing a cinnamon dachshund exploring the other guests' feet. "Whosh doggie ish that?" she asked Lorin in a slurred voice, since she had had four more doubles. "Mush be Nancy's," Lorin slurred back. In their intoxicated state they only dimly noticed the ruckus that ensued at the bar when a group of girls tried to bodily haul another outside. Lorin giggled. "Wha?" Lucilla asked, lifting her head up from the bar. "I coulda sworn a lampshade just walked out the door."