Title: Get Thee to a Monastery (1/1) Author: Cousin Shelley Faction: Cousins Date: Tuesday, November 9th, 2004 Time: Around 10:00am The Next Morning, After: "We're All Mad Here" Disclaimers: All participants used with permission. The four cousins got out of Arletta's silver L Series Saturn and headed towards the massive front doors of the monastery. It had been Arletta's idea to check on it and see how it was doing. She also wanted to check up on the latest group of architectural nuts ... err, enthusiasts staying in the building. "My leg hurts," whined Brandi, rubbing it and limping. She had gotten the honor of sitting in the back on the side with the upside down office chair. "Well, I had to sit on all that junk!" Rhonda exclaimed, rubbing the specific part of her anatomy that had been sitting on it. Shelley smiled. She had grabbed the front seat quickly, knowing full well what Arletta's cars usually held in the back. The office chair had been somewhat of a surprise however. "It's a beautiful old building," Rhonda commented, looking around. Not being a Light Cousin, she had never been there before. "Yes, it is," Shelley replied. She too was not a Light Cousin, but had been their liaison a few wars back and had visited there often. "But, you would be amazed at the difficulties in finding good tour guides," she continued with a smirk. Brandi and Arletta snickered at the memories of all the insane applicants they had endured so long ago. Rhonda just looked perplexed at their merriment, but decided to not ask. Asking things in a war was never a good idea. Banging on the old door, the four found it odd when no one answered. Arletta got out her key and they entered. On the table by the door, Brandi picked up a clipboard and read, "'Sign ups for the trip to the Architectural Hall of Fame' and it's dated for today. There must be at least 75 signatures here!" "I guess that explains the empty rooms," Shelley said, beginning to dust some of the furniture. Arletta gave her an odd look and she stopped. "Habit," she laughed nervously. "Any idea when they'll be back?" Arletta asked. Brandi studied the clipboard for a moment then said, "Not sure, but there's a spot to check off if they want lunch, but not dinner. I guess they'll be back for dinner?" "Sounds reasonable," Arletta replied. "We should be able to look around and get back to CERK before those nuts ... uhhh, enthusiasts get back, then." As the four looked around, Arletta spotted the library. "I wonder if there is anything in here that might help us find the rock?" she asked the others. They all nodded in agreement and went to work checking through the thousands of old books the room contained. ---------------- After working in the library for almost two hours, the four women were getting hungry for lunch and discouraged with their work. So far, they had found nothing of interest at all. "I'm hungry; can't we get some food delivered or something? Does anyone have a credit card on them?" Brandi asked. Shelley turned an interesting shade of pale and stammered, "N-n-no, not that a-a-again! I'll, uhhh ... I'll COOK! I'll make lunch for everyone! I don't mind, honest!" Arletta, noting both Shelley's odd reaction and wondering about her ability to cook, began to protest. "No, that's okay Shelley...." "Oh, I know, you're a vegetarian and allergic to tomatoes! I'll come up with something completely meatless and tomato-less, yet delicious, you'll see!" With that, she hurried off to the kitchen with a crazed look in her eye. "I have a bad feeling about this," Rhonda replied, shaking her head. The three returned to checking books until Shelley returned about 20 minutes later. "I couldn't find much, but I think you'll be impressed with my creativity!" Arletta eyed the tray of food warily. It appeared to be an innocent tray of sandwiches. She cautiously took one and sat down. Brandi and Rhonda followed suit, as did Shelley. They began to relax a bit and talk about the war. "Southern Ontario is kind of a big area, you know," Shelley sighed, taking a large bite of her sandwich. "I agree and we don't even know how big this rock is or even what it looks like, other than the writing," Brandi replied, wincing as the flavors that were so abundant in the sandwich hit her taste buds. "Where do we even start?" Arletta muttered, watching as the others ate first. She had learned caution in six wars, if nothing else. "Even if we can't find the rock itself, I wish we could find some kind of clue or something that would at least help," Rhonda said, taking her first bite. She then began making a sound that appeared to be the same sound a cat makes when coughing up a hairball. "Um, Shelley? What's in these sandwiches?" Arletta asked, eyeing hers suspiciously. "Oh, don't worry! Not a drop of meat or a tomato, no way!" Shelley smiled with a reassuring, yet strangely insane smile. "Well, thanks, I do appreciate that, but still, what ... ummm ... *exactly* is in them?" Arletta replied with a worried glance at Rhonda, who was now coughing uncontrollably with tears streaming down her face. "Oh, lot's of things. It's amazing what these architecture people keep around! First, I found some peanut butter, then some bananas, olives, mustard, onions, chocolate chips, marmalade, relish, and some lettuce." "You put it ALL on?" Brandi asked, eyes opening wide. "Of course! No meat, right? Got to give it flavor!" "Water," Rhonda rasped out, and then went running for the kitchen. "She must really be thirsty," Shelley said brightly. "Uh, yeah," Arletta said, getting up and quietly hiding her sandwich behind a book on the shelf. As she pulled the book out, she let out a gasp. "Look at this!" she cried, holding it out for the others to see. Emblazoned in gold leaf lettering was the title, "Mississauga: Translating the Phonetic Interpretation of this Archaic Language to English." Just then, Rhonda staggered back in looking slightly better and no longer making hairball noises. "They ought to put up a warning sign about the rough rock walls in that kitchen," she complained, rubbing a scraped elbow. The other three nodded and went back to the book they had found. "This will really help if we find that rock," Brandi was saying while stuffing her sandwich behind a statue. "WHEN we find it. IF is not an option with the General, you know," Shelley corrected her, shuddering at the thought of having to face him again on less-than-pleasant terms. "Wait a minute ... what did you say, Rhonda?" Arletta asked, taking a sudden interest. "I said, they ought to put up warnings about the rough walls...." "Made of ROCK!" Arletta finished. At the confused look of the others, she repeated, "ROCK! Get it? The outer walls are not only MADE of rocks, but the whole monastery is built on TOP of rocks! The cellar is full of them, as are the gardens and courtyard. Someone should check them out," she said, eyeing Shelley. Shelley did a quick calculation on the number of rocks contained in the monastery and instantly got a rather panicked look on her face. "Uhhh ... I have to get back to CERK to uhhh ... clean! Yeah, that's it! Dust waits for no one, you know!" The unsuspecting Rhonda shrugged her shoulders and said, "I'll do it if you buy me a pizza that Shelley isn't allowed to touch?" "Okay, that's fine, you and Brandi can check all the rocks out here and I'll buy you a pizza. I'll take Shelley back to CERK with me now and you two can get a ride with the architectural nuts ... errr, enthusiasts when they get back. Just make sure you get back in time for the party tonight," Arletta replied. "But...." Brandi stammered, much too late. "Okay, not a problem," Rhonda interjected before Brandi could ruin her chances for real food. Glancing at Shelley, Arletta produced her credit card out of her purse. The cousin turned that same shade of interesting pale all over again and Arletta smiled.