Rat NOT Nat (01/01)
By Libby S. Singleton

"This can't be right," Jen said, pulling the little old Civic 'which
could' into the darkened alleyway.  She fumbled around in the
glove box until she found the handwritten call to arms.  "That's
what the map says - all Natpackers are suppose to rendezvous at
this address. Odd, though, that the invite would be handwritten on
the back of a fast food hamburger wrapper!"

She cautiously approached a cellar door.  "Maybe Natalie has
moved to a basement apartment? It looks so ... unNatalie."

"Natsie Ratsie?" Johnsie said, popping out of the door, grinning.

Jen stifled a scream. "Say, aren't you the commander of the
Ratpack?"

"Ya h'ain't Natsie Ratsie!" Johnsie protested.

Libs jumped on Johnsie's back, forcing his head against the door.
"An' 'e h'ain't h'in commando o' innythingee! We're the
Uncommanders!"

"I'm sorry, I don't understand," Jenn said, holding out the fast food
wrapper. "I thought this was were the Natpack was gathering."

"Tha' says RATpack, na' Natpack!" Johnsie said.

"Ey! Screed!" Libs called back into Screed's abode.  "I told ya na
to scribble such important thingees h'as this by your lonesome
dove. We ga a stray Natpacker 'out 'ere."

Johnsie stood up, causing Libs to fall backside first onto the
ground. He grabbed Jen and pulled her inside so he could shut the
door.  "Wot Oi don't unnderstan' iz 'ow the h'invite thignee ga'
tew 'er in the first place...."

Jen followed the two Ratpack uncommanders into a room filled
with Ratpackers, rats, junk galore, and even a possum which was
perched on Screed's bald dome.  "Phew! Have you guys ever heard
of germs? This place needs a good scrubbing, and so do you."

Screed sniffed loudly.  "Well, Oi've been meanin' tew swab the
decks, but Ol' Screed wuz scribblin' h'out the h'invites. 'Ad ta find
the writin' surfaces, then 'ad ta crawl h'in a mailbox wot to fetch
some envy-lopes wot ta send ta the droogs wot h'aren't h'on the
normal mail-by-squealer route."

"Did you readdress the envelopes?" Jen asked.

"Nah!" Screed scuffed. "Dinna need ta, they h'already 'ad residuel-
ences h'on them."

Jen sighed. "No wonder I didn't see any other Natpackers when I
stopped by the Toronto Police gift shop.  They probably thought
the junk food wrappers were junk food. Oh, well, why waste a trip
- this could be fun.  Screed, what do you like to bounce?"

"Nay, nah for me, h'it's not, but me maties 'ere, tha's anudder
matter!"

On cue, all the ratsies and Ratpackers started bouncing up and
down with Jen leading the way.  Sebastian O'Possum bounced up
and down on top of Screed's head.

"This is more like it!" Jen said.  "Now, let's give this place a scrub
down - and I'll even give you some scrubs!"

"Why?" Tessa asked.

"Why nah?" Johnsie and Libs said, bouncing all the way out to
Jen's car to help her carrying the scrubs and cleaning supplies in.

"H'its a 'ard knock loif fer us! H'it's a 'ard knock loif fer us!" they
all sang as Jen supervised the cleaning (being careful never to join
in herself, it was more fun to watch).  Afterwards, the Ratpackers
started cutting down several scrub suits to make lil' ratsie scrubs
and one to fit a possum.

Alas, when it came time for Screed to join the fun, there were no
more scrubs left. He didn't fuss, though, and accepted a hospital
gown.  "A bit drafty h'in the bum," he admitted, "but Ol' Screed's
bound ta be h'in the 'ot seat a'fore the wars o'er so this moight
come h'in 'andy, eh?"

"'Least we're gonna 'ave a full moon fer the entire war!" Johnsie
said.

"I know ay'm new 'ere," Tessa said.  "'An' donnah wanna be a
bother, but Oi need to get back to Merc HQ fer orient-ting an'
h'am na sure Oi kin find me way by me lonesome."

Complete silence filled the room as every creature turned to look at
Tessa.

"What's wrong?" Jen asked.

"She WANTS ta g...g...go!" Johnsie stuttered.  "Oh' well,
'woth'ever' 'is the Ratpack way!"

Libs put two fingers up to her lips and produced a long whistle. A
single rat came running up.  "Tessa, 'tis h'is Lassie. 'E'll lead ya
there n' back a'gin. Jest tell 'im 'Lassie, go 'ome' when ya'r ready
tew come back."

Tessa nodded and followed the ratsie out.

"Okay, what's the plans, guys?" Jen asked.

"Grilled cheese!" All the Ratpackers squealed in unison.

Jen grinned. They might not be the Natpack, and their headquarters
was a bit ... ratty, but she was sure this was going to be fun.

--end--