Title: Beware of Cousins Bearing Gifts (1/1)
Author(s): Cousin Shelley
Faction: Cousins
Date: Monday, November 8th, 2004
Time: Around 2:00pm
After: "Family Reunion (1/1)" and "Cerberus Grows a New Head"
Before: "How NOT to do a Tour of Toronto"
Disclaimers: All participants used with permission.


Cousin Shelley, the Cousinly Janitor and also the lowest ranking
CERK employee in its history, sat on the couch in the CERK lobby
absently dusting a small table over and over.  Her eyes were fixed
on the desk of Bonnie, the Cousinly Receptionist-in-Training.

There were five or six newly arrived cousins crowded around her
desk, all demanding room assignments for the duration of the war.
Or, rock hunt.  Or whatever it was that was occurring.  More
cousins were arriving every few minutes and Bonnie was furiously
handing out Post-It notes.

"Here, this one is for you ... it's the traditional Post-It note
yellow," she said brightly, handing one of the cousins a small
square of paper.  "And a green Post-It for you!" she cried,
handing out another one.

"But ... but...." stammered Rhonda, staring at the small green
square of paper helplessly.

"Now, you have your Post-It, you'll have to wait until all the
cousins have Post-Its before I can address your concerns.  What
color would you like?" she said, turning to another confused
looking cousin.

"Uh...." replied a perplexed Mary, wondering just what she had
gotten herself into.  New to all of this, she couldn't fathom
how a Post-It note related to her room assignment and her mind
was furiously trying to come up with some kind of reasonable
explanation.  "I ... uh...." she tried again.  Sasha, her Bombay
cat sitting at her feet, meowed disdainfully at the entire affair.

"Just what I thought, too!  Purple!"

"O-o-okay...."

"Pssst ... Shelley, what's going on?" a voice whispered from
behind the very amused cousinly janitor.  She turned and saw Arletta,
her partner-in-war since war 8.

"Arletta!  I didn't know you were here!"

Arletta smiled.  "No, you were kind of involved in watching ...
errrr ... whatever it is that's going on over there," she said,
pointing to the Cousinly-Receptionist-in-Training.

"Oh, that's just Bonnie.  She's Post-It-ing."

"Post-It-ing?  Is that even a word?"

"Hmm, not sure.  It's what I call it when she sees all the
different colors, sizes, and shapes Post-Its come in.  She goes
kind of ... well, crazy, I guess.  Which will be handy for Tser,
who is charged with driving her insane, of course."

"Oh," Arletta replied, sorry she asked.  "So, how have you been
in your uh ... new position and all?"

"Oh, I like cleaning now.  Cleaning is my life.  Really."

The Cousinly Janitor's face did not look like cleaning was her
life any more now than it had three years ago when she had been
given the job, Arletta noted.

"Oh!  I have something for you!"  Cousin Shelley dug in her
cleaning cart and pulled out a small wrapped present.  "Here,
it's for you! I've been saving it until a war came again.  I just
know you'll love it!"

Arletta opened it carefully.  She was Shelley's war partner and
friend, but who knew what kind of insanity could have taken hold
of the cousin during the 3 years since she had last seen her.  She
let go a sigh of relief when she pulled an innocent looking
sweatshirt from the wrapping paper.  It was bright purple and had
white letters reading "I.N.S.A.N.E." on the back.

"It says 'insane'?"

"No, it says 'I.N.S.A.N.E.'  There is a difference."

"Ummm...."

Cousin Shelley sighed.  "You know, I.N.S.A.N.E.?"

"Ummm...." Arletta repeated.

"Irritated Non-Speciesist And Nefarious Employees?" Shelley added
unhelpfully.  At Arletta's continuing blank look, she tried again,
"It's the name of our union?"

"Union?" Arletta squeaked out.  "Union?" she said again, as the
full implications of it all hit her.  "But, I'm...."

"Thrilled, I know.  I just knew you would be!  Go ahead, put it
on!"

Arletta swallowed hard.  On the one hand, she had always felt
more sympathy for the employees in any given situation, rather
than the management.  However, she now found herself in the most
uncomfortable position of both trying to explain to Shelley that
she was, in effect, now "management" herself, and explain to the
other 2/3 of Cerberus that their newest partner would be wearing
a bright purple sweatshirt emblazoned with the letters I.N.S.A.N.E.

It was going to be a long war, she decided as she pulled the
sweatshirt over her head.