The Performer places a box on the table. Printed on it is the following: ST. FRANCIS PRODUCTS -- PUPPY TRAINING KIT. Removing the lid the Performer tells the audience, "I see no reason why magic cannot be educational as well as entertaining. Just last week I purchased an adorable puppy. You know the kind... big loving eyes in a little bundle of fur that gives you the warm fuzzies every time you cuddle it.

But with ownership comes acute responsibility. It must be well rained both for its own protection and the owner's peace of mind. Of course, my puppy isn't with me to demonstrate, however..."

Reaching into the box the Performer withdraws a number of balloons. He inflates them making a Balloon Dog. "Not as darling as mine, but it will do for demonstration purposes. The very first responsibility is to accustom the puppy to a leash for obvious protective reasons."

The Performer withdraws a chain leash with a choke-chain at the end of it. "A choke-chain! No such inhumane barbarity for me!" With disgust he tosses it aside on the table. Reaching into the box the Performer brings out a leather leash with halter, "Certainly better. But think of those delicate little bones in such early stages of growth. No...even leather would be much too stiff and potentially harmful. None of that for my adorable little Love Bug. That's what I named her... Love Bug."

The Performer reaches into the box, "To ever so gently restrain Love Bug I decided to use..." he partially withdraws a gorgeous ribbon, part of it remaining in the box, "a ribbon. Delicate for the delicate."

He wraps it once around the Balloon Dog's neck (nozzle end) but it slips off. "Such a rambunctious little dickins that Love Bug. Slipped right out of it. Puppy energy's a wonder to behold. I simply had to secure it a little more firmly for the puppy's sake as well as my own."

The Performer pulls the rest of the ribbon out of the box. At the end of it is a very long needle (Needled Trick). He calmly pushes the needle through the balloon (near the nozzle 'neck') while cooing, "There you are little Love Bug. We'll take walks in the sun-shiny park and smell the flowers and..."

The Performer wiggles the Balloon Dog and pulls the ribbon completely through. He sighs with exasparation, "I tried with Love Bug, but she just pulled off that cute and delicate leash... I really tried, but some puppies are over-bred. just hyper hyper."

With a shrug the Performer pokes the balloon with the needle popping it. He tosses the remains aside. Reaching into the box he mutters to the audience, "If at first....." He withdraws a cell phone, rapidly dials while speaking to audience, "... you don;t succeed..."

Now into phone, "Hi. I bought an adorable puppy from you last week. I'll be needing another one..."

Heh. So report me to PETA. I could use the company... even if they're picketing outside my door. And if the weather's inclement I could wear my Panda fur poncho when I step out to offer them hummingbird munchies. Look, dedicated picketing is hard and hungry work... and I'm a thoughtful host.

One more little one -- HEH!

Gene d'Dreadful