Comedy Bits of Business for Master of Ceremonies

Have a bowl of gold-fish on stage in set. Cut carrots like fish and put them in the bowl. Comedian then reaches in bowl, takes out a carrot and eats it, as though eating a goldfish.

Clock strikes eleven - (Pause and say): - Ah, TWO O'CLOCK.

Have tennis ball tied in handkerchief. Take handkerchief from pocket, do any business, then bounce handkerchief and catch in hank pocket.

Business of lighting candle. Blowing out match - and candle at the same time. Repeat business. Finally gets real angry. And puts candle out by hitting it with large mallet.

Have a bottle of whiskey in footlights. (If you can't get whiskey where you live, use something that looks like whiskey.) Take a WEEJEE BOARD, sit down and start to work it. Finally it leads you to where the whiskey is as if the WEEJEE BOARD found it.

Pours out glass of water from pitcher - then drinks from the pitcher.

Pull up trousers, and show no garters in stockings - say SOX APPEAL.

Shot off stage - Comedian yells "I want air! - I want air!" - then enters with inner tube and says -"Has anybody got a bicycle pump?"

Comedian shakes can - Orchestra leader asks him the idea. Comedian says, "Well the boys told me there was five dollars in the Kitty and I'm trying to shake it out of her."

Comedian. (To organ player in pit.) - Will you play us a selection, George. (To audience.) I used to play the organ myself, but the monkey died.

Comedian suddenly points to someone in audience - Yells, "It's all off, it's all off." Orchestra leader says, "What's all off?" Comedian says, - "The hair on that man's head."

To audience, pointing to orchestra.) There's one thing I don't like about those fellows. When they should be working, THEY'RE PLAYING.

You can always get a laugh by blowing a balloon up in front of an audience, and keep blowing a little at a time, until it breaks.