Seventeen Smart, Witty Talk--Ettes

Here's an ordinary glass. A magician I know got this in exchange for his wife. Honest some magicians will cheat ANYONE.

I'm saddest when I do magic. I suppose you folks feel the same way.

See the water in this glass? You don't? - I guess it's too deep for you.

(When you throw cards up to the balcony.) That's over your heads.

After I do this trick I'll sing a little song entitled, "I DIDN'T RAISE MY BOY - BECAUSE HE HELD THE JOKER."

I call my girl JOKER, because she's always running wild.

(When you finish your act, look at watch.) Well, folks, I'm a Union man. (Start to walk off.) see you in the morning at eight.

(When you get a good laugh.) When I came out, you didn't think I was going to be any good at all, did you?

My uncle has a medal for doing the best tricks. He runs a hock shop. I had a hard job to find this place tonight. I asked the Conductor where Bevo Junction was. He said it was Near Beer.

Well, I gotta go now. I've got a date with an egg and I don't want to break it.

I didn't want to come here tonight to work. I was fixing my radio. We broke it last Thanksgiving day, trying to get Turkey.

(When you knock a rube town.) I suppose I shouldn't say anything about that town though. I know the American Consul over there.

Thank you folks for the applause. - I will play a nice opera selection for you on the piano - TOMORROW AFTERNOON. (Bow off.)

I'll tell you about any trick in the world. It may not be correct - but I'll be glad to tell you about it anyway.

Now I have a real treat for you. By this I don't mean I will PASS the bottle. I'll do a trick with it. (Passe--passe bottles.)

(After act.) Well, I guess that's all for tonight. Run along home now and go to bed, children.