Wise Cracks to be Inserted into any Magical Performance or Routine

I gave a talk the other day on MAGIC and HOUSEKEEPING. The audience believed everything I said - ABOUT HOUSEKEEPING!

I'm not clever, but I'm clean.

(End of trick, say smilingly.) Would it be asking too much for a little applause? - When a few clap, say - "That's little enough."

It's a silk handkerchief. Everything in the theatre is silk except the chairs. They're SAT-IN.

I did this trick over at the Blind Asylum the other day. And not a soul saw how It was done.

(To anyone who disturbs you.) Stop your noise over there, or I'll change you into an elephant.

I shall now do the shuffle showing the muscles of my back.

I do dirty tricks too.

You might as well enjoy this. You won't get your money back.

Don't tell how that was done. It makes me nervous.

Some people like me and some don't but whether they like me or not - I'm good.

It's not much of a trick but I thought someone might care for it.

Funny that match didn't light. It lit last time.

You will kindly notice, Ladles and Gentlemen, that while I do this trick, my wrist will not leave my hand.

Cigar trick.) There's two ways to eat cabbage, one with a knife and fork, and the other one This way. (Show cigar.)

I wish to call your attention to this newspaper. There is nothing in it. - It's a (name yellow sheet newspaper.)

(Glass trick.) This is a regular vaudeville show. See? We have tumblers and everything.

Billiard Balls.) Everything is square except the balls. They're round. They come from the teeth of a white elephant.