Patter for Mephisto's Firecracker

Now folks, I've done three tricks. The next one I call the Independence Day trick, because IT'S THE FOURTH. First of all I want to show you this cute little holder. (Show nickeled case.) Would you examine it, Sir? It's what they keep a shaving stick in. You know Mennen's shaving stick? They call it a Mennen holder. When the girls start using it, it'll be Mennen women. (Show inside to audience.) I got this one when I was a little boy. That's why they called me a little shaver.

Next I have a firecracker that I saved over from last year. It is six inches long and one inch in diameter. That has nothing to do with the trick. I just thought I'd tell you about it. This is an educated cracker. It's well read. (Red.) If the ladies don't mind I'll light the cracker. That match must have been mad. Did you see it flare up? Now when you light a fire-cracker, you can't hold it very long, so I'm going to be like the little boys that used to put their firecrackers in tin cans, and I'll place mine in the shaving stick holder before it goes off. I usually use a derby hat to cover this with, but business is poor so I'll use just this cap. (Place cap on holder. Pass from one hand to the other.) If this thing explodes I don't want to have it in my hand... You hold it will you?. (Thrust in assistant's hand.)

Next I want to call attention to this handkerchief. It's a foreign handkerchief. I got it from abroad. I am going to make it disappear. I wish it was my mother-in-law. You know it's wonderful what a little waving will do. (Wave hank while vanishing it.) -- especially if it's a permanent wave. But when the wind blows, the wave is gone. (Blow on hands.) just like the handkerchief. My, but the young man is clever. Would you kindly open the tube, Sir? Be careful, it might explode. (Assistant opens tube.) Take the firecracker out. By golly I made a mistake. Look here's the handkerchief, Instead of the firecracker. It's gone some place. Are you especially fond of crackers, Sir? Well, well, well, look here. It's on your back, sir. (Take off his back.) I'll take this. You don't need a cracker. U-NEED-A-BISCUIT. (Have a bun ready on table and hand to assistant.) Would you hold the firecracker for me please? I'd give you a banana but we have no bananas today. I'll get a match. (Perf. walks away and cracker goes off with a bang.) After laugh perf. puts hand in pocket. (Handkerchief pocket and says to assistant.) "Do you smoke"?. (If he says, yes, performer hands him small package of safety matches. Whispers to assistant to take seat and bows, wiping fake perspiration from brow.)